by Val John Jennings

Created on: August 14, 2009

I remember coming to a point in life where I realized that my parents were getting older and would soon not be accessable. I began to call home once a week and visit. It brought about a change in my nature and I began to write poetry to my parents. I then found opportunity to drive across the country and visit.

Now that both of my parents have departed this life, I am so thankful that I was able to get some family information that my children and their descendants can read and better understand these two wonderful people.

Try and get sincerely involved before the Parkinson's or the dementia. My mother-in-law began to think that we were having a romance and that she was pregnant (she was 94). I couldn't put a lot of trust in every trip being back home and every story being doubted. She would wave to her husband as we passed the graveyard and I thought that rather normal. When it stopped, I think she had already gone to meet him.

Most elderly people are not materialistic. Some might collect angels, bells, spoons, etc. and be genuinely pleased if you remember their hobby. All of us can use a fruit basket, or a good musical recording. Almost everyone appreciates a hand in washing dishes or helping with chores. Some folks find it harder to take out the garbage and some even need help in hygiene and dressing but are alert and appreciative. Those folks who seem ornery and difficult are usually so because they feel manipulated or ignored.

Be genuine. Smile when you visit. Maintain eye contact. Be proactive. Think about your visit before you visit.. A prayer to request harmony and understanding usually gets harmony and understanding.. Be yourself.. Share you humor, wit, and, friends.

If you want to prepare for the visit, go visit elderly folks in a group home and share with them. Take a good book to read, a board game, a video. See what works with them. Nothing improves us more than practice.. Try to do it better each time. You will get good at visiting. Then visit the family member that you feel distanced from.

Don't take things personally. Someone once said that people would not be so concerned about what other people think of them if they realized how seldom they do. When you become friends, then you will be appreciated. Get them talking about their good times, friends, earlier adventures, etc. If possible, record your visits. Share pictures, videos, and audio feedback. Bring others into the discussion if they feel uncomfortable. Don't be pushy.. Be flexible. You might not do anything you planned, but you planned. That is important.

Above all, relate! Do it before it is too late.

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