by Andrew Freyne

Created on: August 13, 2009

For thirty-three years I have been living my life in limbo! In that time there have been plenty of thoughts entering my mind, some good some bad and some so bad that I would be reduced to tears! Oh those mental pictures in my mind, how I wish they would disappear forever! Physically I am half the man I was five years ago! Physically I am weak! Whereas others would get out of bed each morning quite easily, for me it is different, I struggle to carry out even this basic task! Five years ago, one date in particular, I guess my life changed forever! One afternoon I remember cycling and in the blink of an eye this vehicle came out of nowhere! My bike was destroyed, I was sent flying, and blackness surrounded me! Was I dead? So much darkness and then suddenly light! A hospital room! Two doctors in white coats! All of a sudden, shock! Horror! Where were my legs? As I made eye contact with the doctor holding a clipboard I instantly knew the truth! Brief words, 'I'm so, so sorry!' 'We had to amputate!' My life was over! I was physically weak! I had no strength! I was half a man!

That was five years ago, I had gone through hell! Why was I still here? Something had got me through to this point in time. I can only speculate but there is one word that is constantly in my mind: Strength! What is this and where does it come from? I go about my daily life thinking these thoughts! I'm also thinking that it had to be strength that helped me survive all these years. The problem is, I don't know how I came by it! Is this something that you experience automatically once you have experienced some kind of trauma? I fight a constant battle each day, quit, don't quit; give up, fight on! I drag myself to my wheelchair each day and sometimes I think to myself, what's the point? On the other hand, I energise myself with a hot brew each morning and I open my front door, manoeuvring my hands constantly against the rubber tyres of my wheelchair. I slowly make my way to a park and I sit there, I reflect, I ponder, I ask questions! I sit by the lake in the park, this is beautiful! The water gives me strength! I speak to the ducks! How beautiful they are! How beautiful life is! I am not weak, I am strong! I have strength! I am a survivor! My life goes on!

I constantly contemplate my life but I also suddenly realise that it's not the end of the world! There is so much I want to do, so much I want to experience, this is not the end; this is just the beginning. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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