by Dossie M Terrell

Created on: August 13, 2009   Last Updated: May 13, 2012

People’s habits upon meeting each other are frequently no different than their pets. Dogs and cats will sniff each other out to determine whether there is anything worth cultivating. If they deem there is not, rather than friendship, they will almost immediately develop an adversarial relationship .

Humans are more cagey, they look for weaknesses and strengths in each other before accepting someone or writing them off. If it is your goal to have folks like and appreciate you, there must be a confluence of effects that come together to make your relationships meaningful for all involved. More importantly, you should cultivate proper social skills and  become self confident  in order to be a positive member of your relationships.

DO NOT SELF-DEPRECATE
Never disparage or denigrate yourself. When you self-deprecate how do you expect others to build you up and see your positive qualities? You might think you make others feel comfortable by being the brunt of jokes or building them up as you tear yourself down, but in reality it probably makes them uncomfortable. If you lack the skills to communicate effectively, buy a good book on communication or enroll in classes that teach social interaction and effective communication.  When you self-deprecate as a method of winning friends, most likely your efforts will backfire. In time, you are going to want to be seen as intelligent and capable, while others will probably have established notions that you are not.

BE ASSERTIVE
Never engage in activities that make you uncomfortable. When you accept ideologies that do not identify or define you, you must speak up. If you do not, you are not being fair to yourself or to those you wish to impress.  Never give more in a relationship than what you receive from it. That may sound selfish, but until you are convinced of your position in the relationship, take cues from those you want to be around you. Do not withhold your opinions because you fear being seen as bossy or domineering - unless you are. You will never endear yourself to others by being their doormat.

DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS
You are as different from others as the whorls on your fingertips are different than anyone else’s in the world. Celebrate that difference and do not allow anyone to make you ashamed of whom you are.  Rather than compare yourself to others, why not correct whatever deficiency you believe you

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