by Patrick Tay

Created on: August 13, 2009   Last Updated: August 14, 2009

This is a very difficult question to answer because communication is a two-way process, not one.

In life, most of us have almost total control of our responses when it comes to communication. This includes our thoughts, our perceptions of issues, our perspective on engaging in conversations with others, our selection of medium(s) of communication with others and our receptivity when it comes to the acceptance of others as friends. Moreover, with consistent effort and practise, we can gradually build up our rapport-building skills and become a more lovable person to others. And these factors are one key to good relationships.

Nevertheless, there is the other factor to consider: the perceptions of others of us. Or to put it in another way, the impression that others have of us. This is one vital area that no communicators can and should ignore. But this is also one crucial area where none of us have much control over. Each one of us brings with us in this life our own distinct identify in society. And what form the fabric of this identity are the strands of our upbringing, our culture, our life experiences, our perspectives, our personalities and our outlooks in life. All these strands are the lifeblood of our identity in this life. When these strand combinations come into contact with any social exchange, be it in the verbal or written form, there will be a certain responses from us that almost seems like they are computed. It almost seems like we are living in automatic pilot mode, since we often react rather than respond.

For instance, when someone nearly drowns in their childhood days, there's a high likelihood that they might become tense when a conversation topic happens to touch on swimming issues. They might sometimes make an attempt to steer clear of the topic or leave the conversation altogether, often leaving the parties engaging in the conversation feeling puzzled over what has just happened. This is the type of situation where even the best communicator in the world cannot avoid or resolve, for that matter.

Therefore, stating that the key to overcoming obstacle in communication is communication itself is only partially right. This is only one out of two keys that are required for successful communication. To complete the equation, we will need the other key, which is an in-depth understanding of the individual(s) that we are communicating with. What's interesting about this second key is that it cannot be found or discovered by ourselves, like

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