by Andrew Freyne

Created on: August 12, 2009

Life is to be enjoyed! Life is short! There aren't enough hours in the day! All these sayings are well known and much used in today's society. However, they are nothing but empty phrases in relation to my own life! It seems that there is so much emptiness in my current existence! I am young and yet I am old! I have a young body and yet I have the mindset of someone who is about to pass from this world into the next! There is a demon that constantly follows me, it forever sits on my right shoulder silently whispering words of doom and gloom! This demon even has a name, its name is also well known, its name is Uncertainty!

It seems that my life is no longer my own! Where is my freedom? Where is my peace? As I go about my day, if the sun is shining I slowly gaze up and say a heartfelt 'thank you'. On the other hand this is but a brief moment! I start to think about the path I am taking in life and then my smile disappears in the blink of an eye, my thoughts run riot and then there's that treacherous demon Uncertainty; it whispers in my ear: 'give up, you are lost, there's no hope for you! You are following a lost cause!' As I chase my steps down a road leading to no where I enter a burger bar, it's packed solid, voices emanating from all different directions, so much confusion, so much uncertainty! There's nothing wrong with these people so it has to be me! Their faces look funny! Again, it's got to be me, I think I'm suffering from paranoia! It's time to put an end to this! I stagger through the crowd and enter the men's room; all of a sudden, peace, quiet, no one in here, I can take a breather! I make my way to a basin, turn on the faucet and splash cold water on my face! It suddenly dawns on me, I have just experienced a major episode of fear! Panic! Uncertainty! This has been the ruler of my life for many years. I have felt trapped, isolated, alone! I have been left to my own devices!

For many years I have been seeking answers! In the past there has been much laughter, so much so that my eyes would literally shed tears of joy! Nothing stays the same! Good feelings never last! I achieve something and instantly I feel good inside and then I ask myself 'what's next?' That good feeling disappears in a flash and then I am suddenly uncertain about my future. I suppose this is the norm! This is the way things will always be! I have to accept uncertainty as a part of life and just get on with things. I have to constantly fill my mind with the good stuff! Positive thinking, self-belief, helpful self-talk! That demon is very comfortable constantly sitting on my shoulder but sudden realisation tells me that I have to crush him like the bug he is and get on with my life! Thank you!

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