by David Dewitt

Created on: August 12, 2009

One of the most difficult places to find the right words to say would have to be funeral homes. Either at the funeral itself or at the funeral visitation. Our words may not be able to take away the pain of a grieving person but they can take some of the sting out of the situation and communicate the depth of our concern. Saying the wrong thing can add to the sting of loss that the family may already be experiencing. Here are a few suggestions about funerals and what not to say or discuss:

Do not bring up details about the afterlife

As a minister, it is my responsibility to raise the issue of the afterlife in specific situations and this includes funerals. However, there are ways to do so without sounding judgmental or shallow. Many times I offer scripture passages that can communicate far better and far more effective than anything that I can say.

For many, the thought of heaven can bring incredible comfort but not necessarily at the funeral itself. When speaking with grieving family members be sure to choose your words carefully. There are many complex emotional issues that are part of

Do not ask about details of the deceased persons illness or circumstances of their death

Talking about the details of the deceased may bring undue emotional turmoil to the grieving family. It is better not to ask about specific circumstances. The funeral is not so much about the deceased as it is about those who have been left behind. Be compassionate and remember that people may not wish to relive the details of their loss.

When you do not know what to say - say nothing

Many times people believe that they need to have something to say during a funeral. Sometimes the most powerful offering of comfort comes without words being spoken. There are times when a physical display such as a hug or placing an arm around someone is more effective than words. Be willing to listen to or even weep with those who have lost their loved one.

Things to discuss

* Fond memories

Taking a few moments to walk down memory lane about the deceased can bring great comfort and solace during visitation or at the funeral itself.

* Funny stories

Nothing brings hope and help like a little bit of laughter, especially at a funeral. Being able to laugh can lift the spirits of those who are grieving.

* Offer assistance

One of the most difficult and trying times in family life is experiencing the loss of a close friend or loved one. Without a doubt this is an appropriate time to offer the family personal assistance. Be sure to follow through with any offer that is made.

Funerals can be difficult emotionally but being able to offer support can bring great help, hope and comfort to families experiencing loss. Be sure to speak to the existing needs without causing additional emotional difficulty.

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