by Rachel Knowles

Created on: August 11, 2009

Everyone can learn to be a good listener. It is a skill that may take some effort to develop, but the rewards are enormous. Good communication is fundamental to healthy relationships and requires good listening as well as open talking by both parties. So how can you be a good listener?

Eye contact

One of the most important features of good listening is eye contact. When you look a person in the eye, you are silently expressing your interest in what they are saying. In contrast, if you are continually looking over their shoulder or at somebody else, it is hard for them to believe you are truly interested even if you say you are.

Body Language

In the same way, how you stand or sit effects how people perceive you. An open body posture, with uncrossed arms, is more welcoming than a closed one. You should avoid crowding the talker's personal space but not be so laid back that you seem disinterested.

Active Listening

A good listener will always give the talker both verbal and non-verbal encouragement to continue. You can use your body to indicate that you are listening, for example, by nodding your head in agreement or shaking your head in sympathy. You can also make simple comments to indicate understanding and empathy, such as: "I see," or "That must have been hard for you." This is particularly important when you are listening on the telephone, as there is an absence of the normal non-verbal indicators that you are paying attention.

Open Questions

To encourage someone to talk, it can be helpful to ask a question. There are two types of question - open questions and closed questions. Closed questions have a yes/no type answer, such as: "Did that upset you?" It is more helpful to employ an open question that has no set answer, such as: "How did that make you feel?" A good listener will use open questions to encourage the speaker to continue and affirm them by inviting them to carry on speaking.

Reflecting Back

When you have been listening for a while and the talker pauses, you may find it useful to reflect back to them briefly what you think they have said. This enables the talker to correct you if you have misunderstood what they were trying to say and proves to them that you have been paying attention. It may also encourage them to elaborate further.

Don't interrupt!

It can be very tempting to cut across what someone else is saying and introduce your own experience rather than fully listening to what the speaker is trying to say. The golden rule of good listening is: "Don't interrupt!"

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