by Kaitlyn Black

Created on: August 11, 2009

For as much as I adore horror movies, I'll confess exhibiting some particular behavior with regard to the ones in which I choose to indulge. My favorite titles, for example, loosely include The Descent, Rec/Quarantine, 28 Days Later, Dog Soldiers, Ravenous, the remake of Dawn of the Dead, and so on and so forth. I have absolutely no use for slasher flicks-I consider these a waste of time and beneath my far superior intelligence. (I kid!) In either case, though, I just don't like them, unless I'm simply in the mood for a spot of campiness and a good laugh.

Point being, I found the premise of The Collector to be a bit on the interesting side, although I think attempting to remain wakeful throughout a 10:10 PM showing of Orphan might have proven a bit more fulfilling (and that hour is most unholy for a tot mom such as myself.) The more I think on this film, the less I believe I like it. Sad, no?

The Collector itself (written by Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan, the minds behind Saws IV and V) revolves around a common, would-be-do-gooder-turned-thief named Arkin (portrayed by Josh Stewart) attempting to steal a precious gem in order to rescue his estranged wife from rabid loan sharks. The gem in question belongs to a family that has previously enlisted the services of the pest extermination company for which he works. Despite already being given extra money by the man of the house, Arkin discovers that it is not enough and that he will have to divest the family of the precious stone.

He opens the door on far more than he bargained for, however-the house laden with deadly traps, a crazy man sporting black garb, cat-like, reflective eyes, and a creepy, Hannibal Lecter-esque face mask, family members tied up and tortured in some pretty creative fashions, and the youngest daughter AWOL. Having a little girl of his own, Arkin experiences the call of duty and swears to find the child before the temporary resident freakshow does.

This is all well and good, but for significant plot holes, over-the-top, unrealistic traps there strictly for the sake of shock value, gratuitous gore against animals (if violence against innocent creatures does not further the story, I feel it to be entirely unnecessary and a major detraction from the strength of a film), a tendency to drag, and predictability.

For one thing, some of the traps I found kind of silly. Such as the acid on the floor (what?), the bear traps, and the guillotined window. My questions consist of: a. How long would

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