by I.M. Alone

Created on: August 11, 2009   Last Updated: August 12, 2009

When I was but five or six, I remember going with my parents out to a fancy dinner, where they would treat themselves to a draft mug of beer. I would mischievously ask my mom, "Can I have the foam off your glass?" She would wait for the waitress to leave, and let me have a small sip. This was always followed up by "The Talk" about not bragging to friends, and how it was okay for people to drink a little on certain special occasions. This attitude shaped my perspective on drinking. I will have a glass of wine after a peticularly exhausting day, I do not drink excessively, and I have never felt controlled by it. Thankfully. My parents did a lot of things wrong, as we all do. However, I feel that was one thing they did right.

My husband was raised in an unbelievably strict household, where drinking was considered a mortal sin, and drinkers (anyone who drank, not just drunks) were looked upon as scum and degenerate. Growing up, he was given no positive associations for alcohol, only poison and negativity. He is now a 12-year alcoholic (and by that I mean he has not gone a day without drinking in 12 years). He was not given a positive or reasonable standard from which to make decisions. And now he finds it hard to make any decisions at all. He battles with it every day, and now so do I. I find it quite ironic that I came across this debate searching for articles about help and support as the wife of an alcoholic.

Moderation and balance are critical skills to teach children. I have six of my own. Modeling good behavior is one of the most important things we can do as parents. We all live here in the real world, where we have a thing called "Personal Responsibility". Not everyone who drinks becomes a drunkard. Maybe if it were not treated as such forbidden fruit, it would not be so highly sought after. My kids have seen me maintain my sanity and composure while having a drink. And, they have also seen their father act like a total jerk after too many. We need to trust that we teach our children what they need to know, in order for them to grow up to make their own responsible choices. Since we can't protect them forever, isn't that the point?

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