by Heather Harris

Created on: August 11, 2009

Even as adults, there are times we feel so frustrated that we want to get down on the floor and have a good cry while kicking and screaming because we just don't know what else to do. So it should be easy for us to understand why children, who lack the self-control of adults, usually resort to this type of behavior when they become overloading by stress.

Tantrums, door slamming, hiding and merely acting out are a child's only way of saying I'm experiencing stress. They cannot truly verbal all the things that may be bothering them at the time. Adults, especially parents, need to realize that some of their children's bad behavior is simply a reaction to stimulus or stress overload.

Imagine having the stress of your everyday adult life and having little to no physical or mental resources in dealing with them- no friends to turn to, no life experiences to gain confront from and little real world support. You have just imagined the world of a child under stress.

The greatest hurdle for children in dealing with stress, whether it be everyday disappointments or life-changing events is that ability to understand them in a rational and logical way. Not having gained the benefit of progressed brain development and high emotional coping skills, they will often resort to tantrums as their only recourse. Not having previous experience with a new problem also only adds to their frustration level and equals a confused and utterly stressed out individual.

One of the simple things that can help is to listen to your child. Whether they are 2 or 15, by lending a comforting ear without judgment, parents can get the information they need to sort out what the problem may be. Choose your time to ask to listen to their problems carefully. Don't attempt to start a sit-down talk in the middle of a middle-school meltdown. Just as you wouldn't want to be bothered when you're upset, neither do they. Give them time to cool down and then approach in a light-hearted way.

Scheduling and giving clear rules and consequences to children can also go a long way into reducing their stress. Because they don't have the freedom and options of adults, they must have a certain number of things they (and you) feel comfortable doing. This allows them freedom within the home, but also supervision. Knowing what is the right and wrong thing and having clear guidelines gives them a sense of security that can be their backbone that they lean on during times of stress and confusion.

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