by Melinda Barr

Created on: August 10, 2009   Last Updated: January 24, 2010

Learning  how to effectively deal with conflict and concerns can create positive outcomes in most any situation. Dealing with teachers and other school personnel should not be any different.

Review and understand all the rules and regulations of the school. Check in regularly and plan to attend any parent/teacher meetings, open houses, or school activities. Knowing and interacting with teachers and other parents is beneficial to both yourself and your child.

~ Be upfront with the school in advance. Let them know any problems or issues your child may be facing that would influence behaviors or actions. You would certainly inform the school of allergies or other health concerns, be sure to be clear on other issues as well. Any major life event, like a divorce, the death of a loved one, or a major move should be shared with the school officials. This will provide the teacher, counselor, etc., more background to understanding your child and his behaviors.

~ When dealing with school conflict or problems, always follow the proper chain of command. If you have any issues with the teacher, talk with her first before moving up the chain to the counselor or principle.

~ Keep a positive outlook, and maintain a courteous and diplomatic communication style. Choose the appropriate time and place for these meetings, and make an appointment if necessary. Never discuss private issues in public, especially in front of the other students.

~ Listen to your child very carefully. Take off your mom hat and put on your mediator's hat while having these conversations. Ensure that he is not complaining about school as a cover for feeling insecure, bullied, or ignored. Often children do not have the verbal skills to explain their feelings, and thus present it as hating school, or not liking the teacher, and so on.

~ Before approaching any school personnel, be very sure you are dealing realistically, and not emotionally. Sure, you love your kid, and you know him better than most. However, do not let this blind you to the fact that there are generally two sides to every story. In other words, know the facts (both sides) before you go to battle.

~ Do not speak disrespectfully about the teacher or the school in any conversations at home. For example, if you are discussing dumb policies, or lousy teachers in the home, you are modeling this belief for your child. Be very careful not to project negativity in front of the child, not ever.

~ Be aware that your child may present a very different side at school than he does at home. In other words, keep an open mind always.

Like any other relationship in life, the parent/teacher relationship requires honesty, fair play, and the ability to communicate effectively. Keep in mind that effective resolution nearly always involves compromise on both sides. Both the school officials and the parents should put the best interests of the child first in all situations.

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