by Veronica Perry

Created on: August 10, 2009

I remember the feeling of being in love. My heart raced, pounding heavily with excitement. I was alive and giddy. I felt like a school girl, beaming with happiness. There was nothing else that I focused on, but the man that I loved who was my world. I was loyal and true, expressing unconditional love, and I was there by his side no matter what. I gave him my heart. I placed it in his hands to hold, trusting him. I was in it for the long haul, taking love seriously. I did not fall in love easily, but when I did, I fell fast, and I fell hard. I let my guard down and showed him my true self, my raw passion, expressing myself fully only to receive my first betrayal that would begin my journey to losing love.

The joy, happiness, and feeling of love would get punched in the face. Each betrayal, each lie, and every time my man did not come home severely pained my heart. It devastated me. Anger and resentment began to set in and fights between us became more frequent. My survival mode was beginning to kick in and the wall that I had knocked down that used to protect me and my heart was beginning to build itself back up. I began to pick up one after another each brick to stack them tightly to protect me. I was hoping that things would change, but it was only getting worse. I meant everything that I had said. I remained loyal, expressing unconditional love, forgiveness, and doing everything I could to really make our relationship work, but it was a one-way street. I began to back away from him when I realized that he would never change. He protected me from everyone else, but not from himself. I could not depend on him and I could not believe in him. I knew it was time to move on.

My heart had changed. It was cashed. It was spent. No more did I want to love. My eyes began to open up to the truth of who that man really was. I had no more feelings for him. My spitfire came out to give me strength, telling me that I will no more invest anymore time into that relationship. It was over, finished, and I wanted out. I felt like a fool when I look back on those dark times when I was heart-broken in that relationship, but I also remember the sweet taste of freedom, of returned happiness, and the joy I felt of losing love.

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