by Ann Mc Donough

Created on: August 09, 2009

TITLE: DAYS RUN INTO NIGHTS

Days run into nights and still nothing much is really taking place in my life. It is strange nothing is for certain. But, what does that truly mean? I was hoping that when I get to be older that my life would reach a certain equilibrium based upon my own efforts. Instead what I noticed is that life is confusing at times even notorious. I have travelled and still the void remains. For the last two weeks I have been wondering about my upbringing and education. It is strange. I mean why is it so difficult for children to apprehend their own personal desires while growing up? Assertiveness is the ability to formulate and communicate one's own thoughts, opinions and wishes in a clear, direct and non-aggressive way. It is the ability to acknowledge that you 'must'' fulfill your potential and reach your goals no matter how complicated is your path. But, having faith is not enough to get you there.

I remember very young that I did not like certain things about my personal life. I recall a strong desire to actually destroy my problems. I dreamed of smashing problems down into small pieces in order to destroy the extensive growth of anxiety. Breaking up the various compounds of society in hope of a new form of communication.

It is while traveling in France that I finally became less puzzled. I guess the historical delight that blinds your senses in residing in a European setting seduces your broken heart. But, instead it was simply modern life and the past colliding in my head. I realized finally that I had a good understanding of failure and success. I acknowledged that in my yesterdays tears had fallen upon my cheeks a hundred thousand times. That my heart had been broken into bits and pieces due to various circumstances and yet I was always present to witness those realities. I was neither strong nor weak just eager to live my life.

When I decided to establish my family life. I did not ''venture'' into this path unaware of its complications. I just believed that no matter what happens being a parent was a very profound but yet realistic notion. It is a responsibility that I could assume alone and with a spouse. Yet, being educated, determined, and organized simply is not enough to make it work. For having children is not merely an economical choice. It is not simple economics at play. It is a lifetime struggle against what is merely dead..

Certain pre-determined needs have to be somewhat processed and met by the parent before he can transmit

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