by Daniel Sisk

Created on: August 09, 2009

I'm sure you've all been following the economy. Times are obviously getting very tough. In fact, a robber walked into a Bank of America branch the other day and demanded, give me all you got.

And the teller said, how about 200 model homes on the north side?

The robber felt so bad for the teller, he gave her $5. What's this? she said.

Call it a bail out. Go buy a latte.

I can't shed any tears these failing financial corporations, though. Soon after AIG, the bankrupt insurance company, got an $85 billion loan from the government - our tax money AIG execs spent almost a half a million dollars on retreat at a posh resort in California, including an evening cruise to Santa Catalina Island. Where are the Somali pirates when you need them?

When the AIG managers were questioned about their waste of tax payer money and asked, What were you thinking?

The managers said, We thought the funds were for rebuilding Iraq.

However, it's refreshing that massive debt, extravagant gifts, and lavish parties are not just confined to the U.S. Congress.

How about the stock market? The stock market has had more mood swings than Brittney Spears. I don't know about you, but my 401K has dropped 30%. I feel like a contestant on the Biggest Loser.

Some people are trying to do an honest business, though. An Australian wool company recently invented a washable business suit that can be worn in the shower and will dry wrinkle-free. I assume this is for all the investment bankers who took a bath in the market.

The question, then, is how do all us regular people recover our losses? Are there ANY good investments out there? Well, I believe there are. I came up with a good list of investments after the dot com bubble burst almost 10 years ago. Now, I've updated my list and posted it on my website, www.igotscrewed2.com.

For instance, with the ice pack melting in the Arctic Circle, some attractive beach front real estate could open up. In fact, Russia and Canada are racing in to claim the north pole for vast untapped reserves of gas and oil. Closer to home, Mount Rainier is expected to be ice free in the year 2030, offering some very nice view lots. Unfortunately, in 2031, Russia and Canada are expected to lay claim to them.

Speaking of global warming, nuclear power is another attractive investment due to zero emission of carbon dioxide, one of the greenhouse gases. Unfortunately, the whole theory of nuclear fission is currently tied up in the courts. Apparently, Al Gore claims to have invented it.

Internationally, there are also a few opportunities, but you need to be careful. In the Caribbean, tourism continues to drive development. Unfortunately, beach sand has become so valuable, thieves are stealing it by the truck load. It seems vacation home builders like to use the sand in plaster to create smooth surfaces. Recently, authorities discovered several shipping crates addressed to Senator Ted Stevens.

China is another growing economy. The food export industry seems to be recovering from several cases of food contamination. The people responsible were tried, convicted, and shot. Unfortunately, their bodies were later found in a vat of ju ju beans.

The quote-unquote constipation of the credit markets will slow things down a bit, though. I suspect that will mean serious overtime for Joe the Plumber.

Regardless, keep your eyes open and I'm sure more investment opportunities will present themselves.

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