by Leah Sellers

Created on: August 08, 2009

All pride aside. A Moment of Clarity, some would call weakness - self-pity. Perhaps, it is - perhaps, it isn't. The Moment is here, nonetheless.
The Clarity ? I See how differently people View me (perceive me, react to me) in my present Crippled state of Being. And I am simultaneously Ashamed and Freed.
Ashamed ? I See It in their Eyes as I approach. This huddled, clumsy, self conscious, shuffling creature, I have Become. I see the pity in their Eyes - the cynicism - the Fear (Thank heavens, that's not me). I See the unasked Questions.

What happened to her ? This once attractive, energetic, athletic woman who used to bounce into a room - command attention when she arrived. How did she become this awkward creature ? This crippled, hobbling, over weight slob ? How did it happen ? Could it happen to me ? God Forbid !
Should I smile and be friendly or turn and walk away ? Run away ? I hate being around someone who makes me feel uncomfortable - who makes me question mySelf - my Life - Life as a Whole. Why did she have to Walk in my direction ? What does this crippled, fear evoking creature want from me ? Life is difficult enough as it is. Her presence - her existence only makes it more stressful. Oh no, she's getting closer !
Who would hire her - this broken down, crippled up, middle aged woman ? Who wants her on their Insurance policy. She's pre-existing anyway. She's more trouble than she's worth. Ask any Economist - any Banker. What's her Value now ? What can she contribute ? Nothing much ! Have off with her !
It will take too much money to Fix her. She's a liability. She's on the downhill slide. No where left to land, but in the streets. Homeless.
Freed ? Why did I say Freed ?
Because, way before I got injured on the job by one of my students. In fact, ever since I can remember, I have always known how crazy our World is - how dysfunctional and dehumanizing our Systems are. I have always seen Their ability to chew a person down - nail them to a cross, and swallow a Soul whole.
I was born Seeing it. It was naked and monstrous to my Child's Eyes. But I wrapped it up in pretty packages, and denied it behind Rainbow Colored Glasses. I wove Glorious Tapestries of High Ideals, Music, Art and Natural Wonders around the systemic monstrosities and intermittent, but pervasive, ugliness' of Human Nature.
I Sang of Salvation for All through the Wonders of Spiritual/Universal Love. The Healing

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