by Eileen Schmidt

Created on: August 08, 2009

I do. For rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. That is a pretty powerful statement. So how is it that we make it happen? How do we remain happy? And very importantly, how do we understand one another?

There are so many different ways to communicate with your mate. Nonverbal communication or body language and verbal communication. When dating someone, we learn the ins and outs to communicating with one another. Everything from what a certain look means to every sigh and when to shut up about something. These are important signs and signals to understanding your mate. Verbally, we try to be much more polite. Life is filled with the words "I'm fine" and "nothing is wrong", when we all know that is far from the truth on most occasions. Both men and women do this, even though we know that there is a deeper meaning to those words.

I could bore you with statistics and such, but it is much easier to say that, once married, it seems like all of that changes. After the big "I do" most have learned the ins and outs of their mates body language, when to push for an answer or recognition and when to walk away. We learn when not to press our mate for their true emotions and when they really want us to, even though it is made clear not to. Relationships alone can be very confusing. People are confusing. But marriage, it is like a whole new dimension.

Verbal communication between a husband and a wife becomes much more bold and literal. It takes getting used to, but in a good marriage it is worth it. After being married for so long and realizing that it is not as easy or inexpensive to walk out on your partner and never look back, no matter how much you love each other, verbally speaking your mind is pertinent to happiness. In the dating world, it is so much easier to argue and then walk away out of frustration. It also sometimes seems easier to accept happiness for what it is. Marriage sort of pushes a person out of trying to make their partner a mind reader. Communicating becomes easier and we find more ways to do it. It seems more simple to say, "I am not happy with you right now" or "Gosh! Can you just shut up for one minute?" or "You never listen to me!" or "I am madly, deeply in love with you and often envision us growing old together and sitting on our porch swing sharing memories of what was." The list goes on and on.

It becomes more simple after marriage. The longer you can make it, the easier it seems. Most of this is because our fear of rejection goes right out of the window. We become less concerned with how we look naked, with how our mate will react if we hurt his or her feelings, and with how our spouse feels about us. Yes, a person always wants to be accepted, but after that first year of marriage, one seems to just assume that these things are a given. The fears of imperfection and rejection are gone and a revised sense of self takes its place. There comes a point in time when we realize that body language, or the language of love as some may call it, is not enough. Life can be a guessing game, but it doesn't have to be. That gets tiring after awhile. Talk to your spouse. Tell him or her how you feel. Let it be known. Sing from the mountain tops, so to speak. If it is truly meant to be, you will only be accepted more and life will be much easier on the both of you.

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