by Meredith Devereaux

Created on: August 08, 2009   Last Updated: August 13, 2009

I have to admit, I get a little confused when parents allow their children to dictate the family schedule by participating in innumerable extracurricular activities, but what really baffles me is when parents force their children to participate in certain activities "for their own good." I hear and see this over and over again, within my own family, and with friends and neighbors. While I appreciate the good intention, very rarely does programming play time pay off in the long run.

We all want our children to be well-rounded and skilled, and able to fit in in a variety of social, sporting, and academic situations. I hear adults wax poetic about how they wish they had accomplished more when they were young, and that's normal. If only I were better at baseball. If only I had stuck with music lessons. If only I had studied more. If only...if only...if only.

I have several "if only" feelings about my childhood too. We all do. But I think the mistake is made when a wistful thought is confused with a true and deep regret. I don't know a lot of people with deep regrets for not having participated in more activities after school in their young lives, but I certainly know of plenty of folks whose parents forced them into activities they later complained bitterly about as an adult. I think that's the greater risk when choosing activities, and I truly don't want my kids to be feeling that way about their childhood.

It's one thing to manage the activities the children truly long to do. It's another to force additional activities upon them in order to fill up free time or fulfill an unrealized parental dream. As for me, I believe children are their own people, not small extensions of their parents. They have to do so many things in life, and of course we have to make certain they are healthy, educated, respectful, and responsible. Beyond that, parents have no business forcing a sport or lesson or activity upon their children, especially if that particular activity is one the parent wishes they could accomplish but never did.

Of course, there are mitigating circumstances, and exposing kids to different possibilities is never wrong. Trial and error is part of learning what interests kids, and is an important experience. I have had my children try some things they seemed a little curious about, and it's been hit or miss. Forcing children to participate when they expressly indicate real indifference or opposition to an activity, however, makes the whole endeavor a waste

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