by Corinne Gregory

Created on: August 06, 2009

Parents often ask, "Why should I teach my child etiquette when the world is so much more informal than it was in days past?" To a certain extent, they may be right in asking.

Say the word "etiquette" and most people think of fine dining, fancy china, ballroom dancing and the like. But really, this is only part of what we are talking about. Etiquette, by definition, is "the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life" (source, Merriam Webster). It talks about refinement and brings up images of belonging to the diplomatic corps or dining with the Queen of England.

But, most of our children won't need this level of social ability, even if it is nice to have. Generally, what we really mean is more what I call "functional etiquette." That involves our children's abilities to be socially confident and socially adept so that they are comfortable operating in a large variety of situations that involve interpersonal contact.

What, then, is important in this area of "fundtional etiquette?"

* Meeting and greeting skills: the general rules and abilities of introducing onself and others, how to execute a proper, confident handshake.

* Basic dining skills: Where does a napkin go, what is its purpose, how do you hold your fork and knife, how to serve yourself and others food, how to graciously decline something offered to you - and, what are considered "good manners" for doing so?

* Conversation skills: Making eye contact and speaking to the listener, tips for starting and continuing a conversation - regardless of the child's age. What's appropriate conversation and what's not. What topics are best avoided and why.

None of these things are very tricky and don't require special education or training. If you aren't sure what to teach and how, you can pick up any number of general purpose or special-topic books. You can find resources for teaching your child etiquette on the Internet. If you like, you can send your child to a course or program that specializes in this kind of education (we have one, for example, at www.socialsmarts.com, but there are others all across the country and the world).

Two of the most important things to consider when teaching your child social skills and etiquette:

1) Consider that modeling is always the best form of education. Teach your child by working in real-world situations and show them as well as give verbal instruction. Once you've taught them the skills

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