by Robyn Reece

Created on: August 06, 2009   Last Updated: August 08, 2009

Having recently discovered that I suffer from Bi-polar disorder I have started researching the topic a great deal. I find that researching an illness you have and knowing more about it helps you understand it and come to term with it easier.

I had come to a time in my life where I had given up on psychologists and counseling. As much as I feel they can be helpful I found that my problem was not related to an inner turmoil to which they seemed to seek. I felt like there was this tumor of some sort in my brain, which if I could just have it removed all, would be ok. It was eventually suggested I see a psychiatrist and this is when I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder.

Previously being diagnosed with depression by my GP I was taking anti-depressant, which helped but didn't stop the intense mood swings. My psychiatrist explained it was only dealing with the depression but was not doing anything to stabilize the mood episodes.

Bi-polar is when one experiences one or more episodes of extreme moods. I always try and explain to people that I will often get overly angry about the most simplest of things, where some one who doesn't experience abnormal mood episodes would react in an acceptable manner I would go to the extreme there would be no justification to my reaction. When sinking into depression I would often consider suicide, my chose of suicide or what I always fantasized about doing was crashing my car. My idea was that if I didn't die maybe I would land up in a coma and still manage to escape life. I would also experience incredibly bizaree thoughts, which would make me feel incredibly guilty, and think that I was clearly a very sick distorted human being.

As stated previously people who suffer from bi-polar often experience depression and in my case this is true. I have been prescribed mood stabilizers and an anti depressant, it is amazing the effect it has. Although my psychiatrist is increasing the doses at a slow pace I started experiencing a change after about 3 days. The psychiatrist explained to me that some might take months to show signs of improvement and some sooner. He also told me that with this show of improvement in such a short space of time that I would be very likely to recover and gain control of the illness. This is obviously in years to come.

Genetic factors can contribute to the likelihood of developing bi-polar disorder. This is a statement that makes sense to me as I feel it is hereditary in my family. On my mother's side of the

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