by Lisa Shaver

Created on: August 05, 2009

Everywhere you look, broken families seem to be the norm in today's society. We have seen our closest friends, family members and coworkers going through divorce and we wonder, how can they put their children through that? How can they, as mothers and fathers, rip their world's apart, break up their families and make them another statistic? The saddest part, no one is safe from divorce.

I remember a few years back, my oldest child came home from school crying. Her best friends parents were getting divorced, and my husband told our daughter this would never happen to her family. That her mom and dad were committed to keeping our family together. And at the time we were.

Looking back that was the worst thing he could have told her. He didn't mean to lie to her, he really believed that. I didn't mean to let him lie to her, I, too, really believed him. I was committed to never going down that road. However, in the end, when we did get divorced it did her more harm than it did the other 2, (the baby had no clue what was going on).

For a long time I tried to fight the divorce and the other woman. I tried to keep my family together for the sake of our children. Anything, even living with the fact that my husband had a girlfriend, would have been better than tearing apart all that we have built. Then one day I woke up alone and with a realization that my children are not benefiting from trying to keep our family together.

When you stay together in a marriage that no longer includes love, trust, or even friendship anymore, you teach your children that this ok. That not being loved is something we do, for the sake of others. As mothers, we do put ourself last and our needs come last, however, is this what we want to teach our daughters? Or our sons? When you stay in a marriage that is a daily struggle you teach your children that you are not worth being loved and that ultimately that is what marriage is. You teach them that marriage is a commitment in fighting, cheating, lying and misery.

There is also the fact that your children are not young forever and they are not at home forever. As a parent you deserve a life outside your children. I know, this is not an easy task and its not an easy thing to even believe, but its true. You need to know who you are, and you need to take care of that person just as much, if not more, than your children. There is no reason to stay in a marriage where no one is happy. Believe it or not, your children are not happy either. They are seeing their parents not talking to one another, hear you fighting with each other and they are not happy.

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