by Dan Williams

Created on: August 05, 2009   Last Updated: August 13, 2009

Pains of sexual abuse run deep through the soul of the victim. They often carry their effects through their life, rearing their ugliness when one least expects it. Dreams of flight may occur. One has an unconscious escape from the world of distrust, loneliness, and shattered sense of self. Should one reach resolution, and accept love from another as well as love themselves then health begins to prevail. Such is the path of many life traumas. It is ok to ask for help. When one finds that one person to trust and love then all problems all trauma becomes easier. Dreams of flight may not continue alone, but with someone as a partner, looking at future goals along the horizon of our aging years.

Warmth, filled his tiny heart, as he laid his head in the crook of his father's arm and chest. That respite, that moved up and down with each breath his father took, while his senses engulfed the Old Spice cologne. His tiny arm wrapped half way around his chest, lightly caressing his chest hair at the top of his stain ridden white T-shirt. Moments as simple as this seem to increase in importance as the years cascade down life's hill.

He would feel fear and confusion, as his mind would flash to his perpetrator. Chest hair, forced hugs, threats, and Brut cologne was not his Father's respite. It was a snake pit, filled with demonic memories. Memories of threats, and the reluctance to comply with the childhood pressure to please.

Such is life of an abused child. Struggling with feelings of affection, the warmth and comfort of a secure feeling with Dad, is met head on with flashbacks of fear, and confusion. A hot July day, and the joy and attraction of a cool lake. Immersing a body into cool water, a refreshing feeling as the perspiration dissipates, and the cool breeze caresses one's hair. Suddenly, and without notice, your heart races, an unexpected sense of going under sends panic throughout your body. Drowning, not knowing where the bottom is, no security, the risk of death, and the absence of sunlight as you imagine slowly sinking and being swallowed by the very feeling that you found comfort in.

So goes the yin and yang of life. Fear and security, happiness and sadness, isolation and companionship, all tear at us, struggling to find the positive. Making sense of the ambiguity in his tiny inexperienced brain, was as if he was searching for Einstein's Theory of Relativity. There was no answer, and an inability to find a solution. When the demonic thoughts entered

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