by Connie Rae

Created on: August 05, 2009

You know the routine. The workday is over. You're on your way to pick up your three year old from the best day care you could find. This is a new experience for your child. Until last month, she was at home with mom, and now ... Now, you are both adjusting.

You park your car out in front of the day care and steel yourself for what comes next. You open the car door. Stand up tall. Breathe deeply. Up the walk. Open the door.

"Sara, your mother is here," the day care provider calls.

Then, the shrieks, the tears. Run to mom. Run away from mom.

Finally corralled, you pick up a tearful child, shrug your shoulders at the provider and head out the door to your car. Sara is hugging your neck tightly, tears streaming down her face, and onto your neck. And, depending who your Sara is, she may be kicking you with swinging feet, or burying her nose into your chest and sobbing, or verbally demanding, no, no no, or, I want ___(insert anything here that is impossible), or, give me this, or that, or... you get the idea.

Nothing you can say will calm her. And, when you reach the car, her body becomes rigid as you try to get her in the car seat. She won't bend in the right places and flails her arms, hollering, no, no, no, I don't want to ..., mommy. mommy!

Finally, worn to a frazzle after a long work day, and an exhausting 50 foot trip from the day care to the car, Sara is buckled in, and screaming, or crying silently. You are muttering, "Why, why, why does it always have to be this way. I'm an awful mother. Doesn't she want me? Would she rather stay at day care? Live there? All the time?

Mom, there is hope. Perhaps not a permanent answer, but one that will pay off often if practiced routinely.

What is Sara's problem? She is missing the attention of the most important person in the world to her - her mother. All day she has been diverted from one emotion to another as she has progressed through the routine of the day care. Maybe she loves it there. Maybe she hates being there, but aside from making sure this is a good place for her to be, it's the life you are committed to living, whatever your reasons may be.

What's mom's problem? Long day at work. Maybe she loves her job. Maybe she hates it. All day long she had been diverted from one emotion to another with the busy-ness and responsibilities of her job. She feels guilty about putting Sara in day care. She wants to be a good mother. She wants to be a good employee, or employer,

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