by Lisa Shaver

Created on: August 04, 2009   Last Updated: August 06, 2009

Today it seems that no matter where you turn there is always an opinion on whether or not one is parenting correctly. There are doctors, psychologists and social workers out there, and they all have books, telling you that what you are doing is wrong. Especially if what you are doing is align with what they are telling you, you should be doing. Parenting is a daily struggle with discipline, fights between siblings, and battles with homework. The question should start with, what is bad parenting and end with how does this send the wrong message to our little ones?

I have read many many parenting books in my life as a Mommy. One of the best ones that I have come across is Lisa Whelchel's, Creative Corrections.This book is funny but full of great advice. Though I may not have agreed with absolutely everything, I agreed with about 95% of it and on top of that I enjoyed reading it. I do not believe that there is one book any of us will agree 100% with, but it is hard to find one that you really enjoy reading. So onto what constitutes bad parenting.

Bad parenting is, in some form, a matter of opinion. For example, I have a friend who lets her daughter watch horror films and has since she was a baby. I monitor what my children are reading and watching. My friend's daughter watched, Sleepy Hollow, at two and loved it, I myself, would not have let my two year old, let alone my 11 year old watch this movie. In my opinion, which I keep to myself for the sake of our friendship, is bad parenting. This is just my opinion though.

Discipline techniques that involve hitting your child to the point of leaving marks, or that is not in the guidelines of what spanking is, is bad parenting and this does absolutely send the wrong message to our children. Abusive discipline tells our children that when Mom or Dad is angry, they have the right to take that anger out on their children. We have all heard about parents who put their children to sleep, leave the house and go party all night, and sometimes for days, with no one watching their children. This is definitely bad parenting. Everyone in society, except perhaps those doing it, would agree this is bad parenting.

However, it is much more than that. Its about letting your children do whatever they want, whenever they want and to whoever they want. If your child is being a bully at school and you are not punishing him or her, then you are sending the message to your child that it is okay to be a bully. When you do not put in your guidelines for how they dress, you could be sending the message to your daughter that its okay to dress like a woman who belongs on the street corner. Letting your child eat junk food all day, and the buying take out for dinner also sends a wrong message. It tells your child that its okay no to be healthy. Allowing your child to be obese is wrong and it does not help your child in anyway.

The end result of it is, that no matter what form of parenting you are currently doing, whether it be good or bad, you are sending a message to your child. It is up to you what that message is. How you parent your children, quite possibly could be the way your children parent your grandchildren. So before you raise your hand in anger to your child, stop and think about what message you are really sending to him. Ask yourself, "Is this how I want my child to raise my grandchild?" Bad parenting does send a multitude of wrong messages to our children.

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