by John D. Johnson

Created on: August 04, 2009

THE FIRST CHURCH OF FALSEHOOD

For a good time in worship, come visit our store!
Oh, it's also called "church", but it's all that and more!

We've got music to thrill you with a catchy refrain;
Part-time we worship; full-time, entertain.

We're light on the Gospel, but heavy on show;
If you can't stay for service, get a CD to go!

Like a night at the circus, or a stroll through the mall,

When it comes to attractions, our "church" has it all!

Come, let the Lord bless you with riches galore;
After all, isn't that what you're trusting Him for?

Hear how to get rich and avoid every loss
Without ever once having to carry a cross!

We're easy on doctrine, but BIG on the fluff!
(Resurrection? Salvation? We don't touch that stuff.)

No sins to confess; no burdens to press;
Just fragile, frail feelings to soothe and caress.

We're here to affirm you...to be your best friend,
And it's our guarantee that we'll never offend!

You'll never face pressure to change your lifestyle;
Just join the love party...come, stay for a while!

We've got tolerance and friendship in ample supply;
Repentance? God's justice? We'd rather not try.

Oh, the Bible is good for a verse here and there;
It's got nice, catchy phrases that make useful fare.

But not everything the Good Book says is true;
After all, it's so old...while the times are so new!

Wake up! It's the Twenty-First Century, friend!
On those old, ancient teachings we just can't depend.

Why, this is the age of acceptance and love,
Not of judgment sent down from some bigot above.

No, we need the power that comes from ourselves...
...Not the fictitious visions of heavens and hells.

Oh, sure, there's a God, but we're all in His hand,
And He'll see us through to that sweet Promised Land.

So don't get so drastic over such things as sin...
...We've done them before, and we'll do them again!

But in the meantime, there is fun to be had
And playing this church game just makes me so glad!

To mingle with good friends deceived just like me
While walking the broad road so fast and so free!

Just think! All these pleasures, and Heaven to boot!
Let's "praise" for an hour, then chase the world's loot!

So step right up! Come one and come all!
Our "church" makes it pleasant to stumble and fall.

In the end, we all know that each person's okay...
...We're the First Church of Falsehood! Come visit...Today!

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