by Veronica Perry

Created on: August 03, 2009

Was it love at first glance? Was it lust at first sight? Did you play by the rules regarding the principles of virtues? Did you take your time courting, getting to know each other, or did the two of you jump in with both feet? And finally, did you marry for the right reasons? I think those are pretty good questions for starters. Because for the past year since my second divorce those are the very same questions I had to ask myself when I began reflecting on my life. I know my marriages were very difficult as well as everyone else around me who witnessed it. I was the one who was literally working twice as hard, exhausting all avenues to try and make those marriages work, and really giving it my valiant attempt. But I ran out of steam from banging my head against the walls after so many times. Besides, my head hurt. I was whipped, defeated, knowing that it was time to scrape it off my shoes and wash my hands clean from it. I have since moved on with a better understanding as to why my marriages and other marriages similar to mine have also failed. I have also seen good marriages where they are playing by the rules, are faithful and true to one another, are best friends, and genuinely shower each other with love. Yet, there are moments when they too have tiffs, fall into ruts, and get annoyed with each other, but overall, they are happy and have been together for over 30 years. What's their secret as so many ask. Every marriage no matter how similar in circumstances, whether they are bad marriages, or good marriages are still unique in their own right, so why does everyone say that marriages are so hard?

I've watched on TV shows and read in self-help books that both spouses have to work at it. It is a full-time job. Well, since then I have donated my self-help books to the thrift stores respectively. I knew deep inside as I was reading the books that this was not my cup of tea and I was wasting my time because there was something missing. The answers were not anywhere in the words, or between the lines that were screaming out at me. I only recently figured it out. The answer was to play by the rules, follow the principles of virtues. You can't go wrong if both spouses live by the virtues. It doesn't have to be hard. It's simple. You don't do, or go to places where invitation invites trouble. I was always and still am loyal, faithful and true, believe in unconditional love, to stand by your man through thick and thin, and 100% supportive. Those are

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