by Rebecca Dyson

Created on: August 01, 2009   Last Updated: August 03, 2009

Respect is an important component in any relationship. While it is important to remember that misunderstandings in communication occur on a frequent basis, tolerating being blatantly and continually disrespected by another person is not healthy.

The first thing to do when one feels disrespected by another person is to ask clarifying questions. We all have individual filters, and sometimes we perceive things differently than the person talking to us intends. Email communication is a prime example, since we can't see the body language and hear the tone of the person talking, we often assume things.

Ask clear questions. Be forthright, honest, and use "I" statements. If the person confirms that he or she is disrespecting you in their answers, try to work it out with them. Explain how the behavior makes you feel. Don't assume that they understand your feelings without you expressing them; too often we think other people should be mind-readers.

Then give them another chance. Everyone can make a mistake. If the disrespecting behavior continues after the discussion, however, contemplation on the situation needs to go to a deeper level.

It is not possible to cut off all contact with a disrespecting person in all cases. For example, if it is a co-worker or supervisor, contact in the work environment will have to happen. My philosophy is that I can get along with anyone for eight hours. Keep the interaction professional and work-related on your part. Check out your policies and pay a visit to your human resource office. Many companies have processes set up to help mediate employee conflicts.

If the person is a friend or spouse, evaluate the relationship. Tolerating continued disrespect can be a form of emotional abuse and carries the potential of being extremely damaging to the self esteem. A friend who continues to disrespect you after you have discussed how the behavior affects you, is not a friend at all. Life is happier if we are surrounded by positive people. Making a choice to spend time with someone who is negative towards us is a bad choice. In this case it is best to cut off all contact with the person until they modify their behavior.

In the case of a spouse, marriage counseling could be considered prior to ending the marriage as long as there is no physical abuse present, as well as emotional abuse. Sometimes a third party can assist in getting the communication back onto a healthy level that supports the relationship rather than destroys it.

We are all responsible for our own self esteem. Willingly allowing another person to potentially damage our self esteem, by treating us disrespectfully, is not a responsible choice. It is important to take care of oneself, and if this means cutting off an unhealthy relationship, it is the correct step to take.

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