by Michael Skinner

Created on: August 01, 2009   Last Updated: August 02, 2009

Meeting people at freshman orientation is like shooting fish in a barrel. In fact, for a guy, this is one of the few times you can approach the best looking women in the room and try to score points.

Given that no one knows anyone, freshman orientation is a room full of socially awkward people looking for a way out. Be forward, walk up to people and shake their hands. Introduce yourself. Tell them your major and where you will be staying. Guys, yes you are going to try to score the phone numbers of the hottest women, but be sure to lay down some cover fire so that it is more difficult to see exactly what you are doing. Walk up to some of the biggest dorks and geeks in the room and pump them with a hearty handshake as well. Do just enough to make it appear that you like everybody but don't forget to smile and shake the hand of every hot looking college coed in the room. Pay special attention to the ladies who look lost or out of place.

That reminds me. Before going to that first mixer, commit the campus layout and as many of the professors to memory as possible. Remember the slackers creed: Let George do it. Visit the campus as many of times as you can before you ever attend a class there and talk to any chatty Cathy who will give you the time of day. Look for info on who are the easiest professors and which are the easiest classes. Not only do you want to make use of that grade inflation to enrich your own life, but if some of the young ladies seem lost, alone and lonely. Heartsick and homesick. You will be a beacon of light in the wilderness. You will be able to tell them about the easiest courses of study, softest professors, as well as the direction to nearest ladies room at every point on campus.

Frosh orientation can be a time to size up the geeks and nerds. Since you intend on being the lifeline for unstable or lonely ladies, you can not show up to study sessions you planned with them empty-handed. You need to know some geeks who tell you what that professor with the thick accent was really talking about. Know your geek. Use him wisely. Husband your nerds for they will guard you against ignorance and having to pull all nighters.

If you are a true risk taker, then freshman orientation could be a time to give out your business card and advertise your business. It needs to be a business that is legal and that college freshmen might be interested in. Customizing Facebook pages or a selling discount music perhaps.

Read every memory and mnemonics book you can lay your hands on before you attend the orientation. One of the best ways to impress men and women is the memorize their names, their majors and their hobbies after meeting them only once. One of the added benefits to using frosh orientation for this purpose is that you can forget about being nervous about meeting new people. You are here to work, so get cracking.

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