We kind of knew Eddie was hyperactive, but really didn't understand what that meant until Eddie's first grade teacher began to open our eyes. Apparently, he wandered the classroom and hallways when he got antsy. "You know," she said, "We used to tie kids like him to their desks." This startled me. If she tried, I knew he'd panic and hurt himself. Thankfully they finished the school year with Eddie unbound. Instead, she had him take an I.Q. test, and as we expected, he did exceptionally well. She also involved him in activities outside of what her other students were doing. He attended specialized training to better develop his fine and large motor skills as he lagged behind. He played basketball with a councilor, using up some of that energy while discussing how frustrated he was dealing with his classmates. On Arbor Day, he wrote a speech and delivered it to the rest of the school. Then he helped plant trees.
The next year his teacher told us he couldn't read. She didn't know what to do with him. He was hyperactive and we needed to have him diagnosed and medicated. I resisted. We purposely made our home into a drug free and alcohol free environment, and now suddenly this teacher wanted to dope him up so she didn't have to deal with him. After a lot of badgering from her and the principal I made an appointment with my pediatrician, Doctor G.
At our first appointment he explained that Ritalin was a stimulant and not a depressant. He explained that the part of the brain responsible for allowing one to attend to various tasks was not operating properly. Ritalin and other stimulants woke that part of the brain up. Instead of acting squirmy or scatterbrained, the patient could calm down and apply himself to the task at hand.
Dr. G. asked me to fill out a questionnaire. Does my child have sleeping problems? Yes. He quit napping at age 2. Is he a picky eater? Yes. Does he seem to have unusual amounts of energy? Yes. Does he sit without becoming antsy or squirmy? No. Is he a chronic liar? No. Is he impulsive? Yes. Does he have problems maintaining friendships? Yes. Is he immature? Very. Do other children make fun of him? Yes. Does he do an activity over and over again and not seem to be able to stop it? Sometimes. Is he unorganized? Unnaturally so. Is he easily frustrated? Yes. Is he clumsy? Yes. Is he able to apply himself to tasks and successfully complete them? Not often. Does he lose interest in activities? Yes. Is he easily bored? Absolutely. Does he daydream? Sometimes. Can he spell? I don't know. Does he throw temper tantrums or lose his temper easily? Yes. It struck me that a lot of these behaviors could have applied to me as a child. (I asked about the spelling thing later. It seems that most kids with ADD/ADHD don't do well with spelling because the subject is BORING. It was to me.)
Doctor G. recommended we take him to the diagnostic unit for children with developmental disabilities at our local hospital. I did, and I spent two full days answering more questionnaires and sitting in the waiting room while Eddie completed more involved I.Q. tests, physical agility tests, and answering his own series of questionnaires. The diagnostician inquired about our home life. Was there any recent changes in our life style? Well, yes, I had just returned to work. Has there been any disturbances of note? Well, a favored babysitter left our employ. Has his behavior changed any in the past six months? No, not at all. Has his behavior changed at school? No. Is there a history of alcoholism or drug abuse in either of our families? Well, yes. My father was an alcoholic. He was also exceptionally intelligent and uncomfortable in social situations.
The diagnostician decided that my son suffered from attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Not only was this child incredibly intelligent, but there was no way the diagnostician could access just how smart, because when the questions got boring, Eddie got up and wandered away. The diagnostician suggested that I talk to extended family members about the possibility that these symptoms occur elsewhere in the family. Also I should check into the alcoholism aspect. Undiagnosed ADHD can lead to alcoholism or drug abuse later in life, and ADHD seems to be genetic.
Doctor G. prescribed Ritalin. It took us weeks, experimenting with dosages and filling out more questionnaires until we finally got it right. We settled at 5 grams twice a day. It also took weeks to get the same teacher who complained when she didn't have the pills, to dose him at lunchtime as she promised. We knew we had it right when teacher called me at home. "I was wrong," she said. "Eddie reads very well." Over the years Eddie grew out of his meds several times, and we experimented again. We even accidentally overdosed him once. He actually sped up. Thankfully that wore off in about four hours.
I visited the library as I wanted to know the best way to raise children with AD/HD, particularly when siblings were not affected by it. There was a lot of material.
According to the books, ADHD children are more likely to be physically abused than normal children because of the child's inability to control his behavior. He misses social cues, making him an outcast among his peers or an outsider within the family circle. The child needs to know that he is not bad, odd, or substandard in any way. That he is loved, and that he is capable of great things. There are scientists, mathematicians, writers, athletes and business men with ADHD. A classic symptom is the ability to find an activity he truly enjoys, and to get lost in it. When he does that one activity, he becomes locked into a 'zone' in which time evaporates. What seems like only minutes to him, is actually hours. This makes those business men, scientists, writers and so on wildly successful. Michael Phelps and his love of swimming is a great example. My Eddie developed a passion for science, which I still encourage.
Experts recommended behavior modification techniques, and in particular instant gratification. It was so simple. At the beginning of each day I made a chart. Eddie was expected to make his bed, take out the trash, pick up after himself and set the table. For every task he completed successfully, I gave him a point. When he earned maybe 10 points, we celebrated with ice cream, or a trip to the park. If he managed to get through the entire week without picking on his brother, then we celebrated by buying a comic book or small toy. At the end of the school quarter, if he did well, we went out for pizza. Once earned, the point couldn't be lost . If Ed screwed up, we just picked up again the next day. The best thing about this was that I was able to adapt the same program with age appropriate tasks that little brother, Jon, could do. The tasks grew harder and celebrations changed appropriately as the boys grew up. They competed with each other over toys, friends and even points, but by using this program, they learned to work together, and they turned those first tasks into habits.
The books recommended Cub Scouts because instant gratification techniques are built into the Scouting program. Rather than food or toys, when a child completes certain tasks, he is awarded badges. Both my boys loved Scouting.
The point system did not replace discipline. From the day my boys were born, we decided on a set of behaviors, like stealing, lying or cutting school, that I would not tolerate. They would not talk back or fight with each other. They were expected to attend Church and Sunday school as well as keep up with their studies. Where I reinforced good behavior, I also grounded them for infractions. And I stuck with that because every child needs structure, particularly those affected by ADD or ADHD.
I talked to family, and I learned that both of my brothers were taking medication to control adult forms of attention deficit disorder. I also met critics who told me that boys are naturally hyperactive, and if I just set limits and disciplined my kids, I wouldn't have these problems. "Wait until the little one gets older. Once he saw what his brother gets away with, he'll behave worse." Eddie's discipline problems had more to do with his inability to think his reactions through then disobedience or mischievous behavior.
I also met parents who had children with ADD or ADHD. We formed an unofficial support group. We all had terror stories about what that kid did this week. We laughed, we cried, and we bucked each other up so that we were better able to face sometimes tense, or better yet, outlandish situations.
One day when Ed was a senior in high school, he called me from his work, asking me to pick him up. He had a headache and he seemed to be stumbling a lot. It occurred to me that the boys were wrestling in the living room that morning, and Eddie had hit his head on the brick firebreak. Could he have a concussion? I took him to the hospital. Again, I had questions to answer. Is he taking any medication? Yes. He's taking 20 milligrams of Ritalin twice a day, and ten in the evening. My mistake. A very tired looking doctor shined a light in his eyes and then asked him how much Ritalin he took. "So you wanted to get high?" she asked him. "Well, guess what? Your luck just ran out. You get to take a drug test. Now if you'll excuse me, I have real patients with real problems." She disappeared.
Eddie took the drug test and we were told the results would be sent to his pediatrician. When I called Doctor G., who laughed out loud. "Eddie, a drug test? For what?"
Two days later I called for results. "It seems," the nurse said, "The hospital lost them. I'd bet anything the tests were clean, and the hospital is afraid of a lawsuit."
"You know something," Eddie said. "I'm not taking the pills anymore. If someone is going to accuse me of being a drug addict again, it's going to happen because I've given them a reason to."
"You better stay on top of your grades," I advised. "You know it won't be easy." He did, too. Now he's attending college, and pulling straight A's. Better yet he's doing it without medication.
Jon was diagnosed with a slight case of ADD. He wasn't squirmy, nor was he disruptive in school. According to his teachers, he tried, he was willing to work, but he seemed to get lost in a crowd. Considering the complications involved in dosing Ed, we decided that it would be to Jon's advantage not to medicate him. He is also doing well. He finish trade school and is now working in a career he really enjoys. In either case, I think we made the proper calls. Hopefully the pills allowed him to sleep at night, although they did nothing to improve his spelling. Jon, although he can't spell either, never had a sleep problem. They are both decent, hard working young men. I don't think I could ask for more.