by Robert Duncan

Created on: August 01, 2009

"O.K., we'll get a dog. But I'm telling you right now that I am not going to walk the dog, feed the dog, or even talk to the dog, because I don't want to have anything to do with the dog." This quote came from my own mouth on the morning of the day that my wife and son persuaded me to buy a dog.

"I need a dog," my ten year old son whined. "I don't know why but I know I just need to have a dog." After twenty-four hours of dog ownership my son again whined, "Gee this dog is a lot of work."

The dog is a Maltese. A small dog, called a "Toy" by the pet industry. He is the type of dog whose appearance turns people to mush. People say things like, "He's so cute," " What a precious face," and "Ohhhh, can I take him home?"

My next door neighbor warned, "That dog needs a lot of attention. My aunt had one. Maltoose, right?"

"Maltese," I corrected.

"Maltoose, that's what I said. That dog will tear up your house if you ignore him. You have to give him a lot of attention."

Maltese, Maltoose, my neighbor was correct.

Nickey, our Maltese, peed in the living room and chewed on my shoes and pants legs.

Now I know that dog lovers will say that if properly trained, this bad behavior will not occur. Dog lovers will also say, You didn't give him a chance, and, you should have spent more time with him or had him trained by a professional. I am aware of all of this. After consulting with many canine authorities, including his hairdresser, (yes my wife got him a hairdresser) I was talked into giving dog ownership another try. About this time the daily temperatures dropped below freezing, but I did not dismay. I walked Nickey faithfully morning and night.

Nickey loved going outside but did not like to return within a reasonable amount of time. He barked at everyone he saw and at anything he heard. He was annoying. After spending an hour outside he would come into the house and pee on the leg of the couch and defecate on the floor.

What I have described is not yet the worst. If I complained to others about his outrageous behavior he would simply look up with that little sweet face causing people to melt all over him. No one believed that he could do any wrong.

As if is this was not bad enough, when he and I were alone he would look at me as if to say, "O.K. stupid, let's go for a walk, and hurry up!" It became obvious to me that Nickey had his own agenda, and it didn't include taking any commands from me.

One afternoon while relaxing in the kitchen, enjoying a

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