by Christine G.

Created on: August 01, 2009

Can a marriage be divorce-proofed? Not without an infallible crystal ball which alerts the prospective spouses to every possible problem. Marriage is a huge risk, just as life is. People change, feelings fluctuate, disasters happen. Every marriage is subjected to stress, and sometimes the partners simply aren't up to coping with it.

Even if we cannot control the course and outcome of our marriages, we can take steps to help them endure before we make a permanent commitment.

1. Make sure both partners really want to be married. Love, by itself, is not an adequate foundation for life partnership. Marriage is not for everyone. Some people have other priorities, a low commitment quotient, or an inability to follow through for the long haul. If you get married because everybody else is doing it, because mother is pressuring, or because it's difficult to get safe, regular sex outside marriage, you are asking for trouble.

2. Prolong the courtship period for about two years. Do not live together - statistically, this increases the incidence of divorce. Get to know the prospective in-laws as well as you know your own family. Observe how they treat each other. Their relationship is a good indication of what you can expect. It's easy to say, "I'm marrying the person, not the family." but the reality is quite different.

If you have been going steady or have been engaged for longer than three years and nothing is happening, it's time to re-visit the possibility that one or both of you doesn't really want to be married.

3. Wait until you are a little more mature. Give yourself a chance to explore your own tastes and capabilities before tying yourself down with the major responsibilities of a nuclear family of your own. Marriages between couples over 25 have a better chance.

4. If you have been married before, or choose to marry someone who has been married before, take the time to find out why the previous marriage did not work. A simplistic explanation (such as "we were too young to know what we were doing", "s/he was a jerk," "s/he cheated on me") is not adequate. Relationship counselling to explore the issues could be the best investment you ever make. Second (and even third, fourth or fifth) marriages can work, if both partners understand what is required to make them work, and are willing to invest the time and energy necessary.

5. Talk about the big issues, such as children, finances, career priorities, household chores, and personal

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