by AngelaCharles

Created on: July 31, 2009   Last Updated: August 01, 2009

How to Forgive your Spouse

What are the three most important words to a marriage? I am sorry. They are three very magical words, and once said all is forgotten, or is it? Some people believe that by simply saying they are sorry, they have repented for any sins. The sad truth is saying you are sorry is not enough to earn forgiveness.

Marriage vows are a pledge to honor and cherish one another for eternity, when someone breaks that pledge, whether by being unfaithful or in any other form, finding a path to forgiveness is very difficult. While the three magic words "I am sorry," are a beginning, they are by no means the magical solution to forgiveness. Earning forgiveness takes time and patience on the part of the offender and learning to forgive takes a great deal of resolve for the forgiver.

Why are you so angry?

To begin the path to forgiveness, you must first understand why what your spouse did hurts so much. Trust and security are the foundations of marriage and when one of those is broken, it shakes the very foundation that you are standing on. Regardless on if the betrayal was an affair, a tragedy that impacts the entire family, or a series of wrong doings, forgiving your spouse is essential if you would like to save your marriage. Understanding how the wrongdoing hurt you is essential in moving forward. Did it leave you feeling abandoned and alone, did it embarrass you, or did it leave you with a void that the words "I am sorry," are unable to fill? Whatever the reason, identify it so as you travel down the road to forgiveness there are no hidden triggers that will impede your road to forgiveness.

What role did your actions play?

Can you identify what role your actions played in the event? Don't try and kid yourself here. Marriage is a two person show and if you can't take responsibility for your actions that may have contributed to the deceit, then you will find forgiveness nearly impossible. With everything there is a cause and effect. While whatever wrongdoing your spouse did is not your fault, your actions or inactions may have contributed to their actions.

Is your spouse truly sorry?

The next step to forgiveness is determining if your spouse is truly sorry. Have they told you so? While saying they are sorry is not a magic fix to forgiveness, it is a very important part of the process. Has your spouse put up shields to insure that whatever the betrayal was, it will never happen again? Have they sworn never to hurt you in such a manner again? Sometimes a written pledge can be helpful in the healing process. Regardless on if it was drunk driving, physical abuse or adultery, before you can forgive your spouse, you must be sure that they will not cause you that form of pain ever again.

Are you willing to forgive your spouse?

Knowing if you are willing or able to forgive your spouse will be difficult to determine. You can tell yourself over and over again that you forgive them, but unless you go through the motions forgiveness is futile. To forgive your spouse you must be able to let whatever action they did stay in the past. You must forgive and FORGET the wrong doing. For some of us, that may impossible. Only you can determine the answer to this question.

To error is human, to forgive is divine. There so much truth this old cliche. If forgiveness was as easy as the original sin, finding forgiveness in your spouse would be effortless. But if you, like the many others before you, have the patience and the resolve to work through the hard times, you will find the strength to forgive your spouse.

Learn more about this author, AngelaCharles.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.