by Gini Bond

Created on: July 31, 2009

Hitting 50 for me came with a conflict of emotions. On one hand, I felt as if the best, healthiest, and most vibrant part of my life was over. The energy of my youth was abating, and gravity was finally catching up with my nooks and cranniesaches and pains intensified almost daily. I had been suffering with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue for the better part of three decades, and it seemed to be getting worse.

What seemed to make it all tolerable was the fact that my family responsibilities were winding down. I was able to enjoy and spoil my many grandchildren, then send them home to their mother! I had time to myself to work on starting my own business, time to read and play my piano at my leisure, time to take those long walks around the lake whenever I wanted, time to finally be able to plan get-aways with my husband. There was time now to rest. In short, I was happy we could finally breathe. It was these little pleasures that would compensate us for growing older.

Then life came crashing down around us. Our peaceful existence was shattered, and turned into a nightmare shared by far too many grandparents in today's society. We inherited a four-week-old grandchild.

The first days we had our little granddaughter, we both felt as if we had fallen into the surreal painting of someone else's life. The quiet, carefree future we had envisioned for ourselves melted away before our eyes. As for me, all I could think of was the fact that I was going to be close to 70 now before I would be alone with my husband again, able to do to the things we enjoyed. Deep feelings of grief for our lost future began to set in.

As the days went by, panic was replaced by sheer exhaustion as I struggled to keep up with the middle of the night feedings and constant care and attention she demanded. The physical and mental strain of round the clock baby care was almost more than I could handle with my condition. My husband helped as much as he could, but he worked a strange split shift that took him away from mid-afternoon until about 3 AM, and he needed to sleep. That left the lion's share in my hands.

Every day I'd find myself saying, God, I can do this one more daybut only if you help me. That became my every morning mantra. Every day I made a conscious choice to demonstrate love for this baby in spite of how I felt, understanding that she did not ask to be born into the situation that brought her to us. I was determined that no matter what, she

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>