by Mary Rice

Created on: July 31, 2009

Good manners in my house are expected. My definition of good manners is: Behavior and speech that is respectful and falls within the acceptable social norms. Does this always happen? No, because we are human, however the expectation is still there. My daughter grew up with that expectation in place.

Rarely have I used the word wrong when correcting a behavior. I say rarely because there are situations where that word and the impression that it gives are accurate, but they are rare; so rare that I can not think of one at the moment. I have always corrected my daughter using the word unacceptable an d related it to her actions rather then her person. It has made a difference in how she sees herself.

The words right and wrong are absolutes. There is no middle ground in them or the concepts that they have come to encompass in our society. They shift the correction to the person rather then the deed. If something is perceived as wrong it is perceived as not good enough, flawed or not respected. Think about it for a moment and be honest with yourself. By the same token, if something is perceived as right then there is no room for growth. It's as good as it will ever get, an end of a search. Again I ask you think about it for a moment. Children and people are not absolutes.

Good manners are expected in my house, as I said. When my daughter was born there was some leeway, however I still had the expectation that she would behave, and treated her accordingly. I expected that when I said it was bedtime that she would comply. Usually she did. In the event that she didn't, it wasn't acceptable. I would not accept her not going along with what was expected. Very simple to say, often times harder to do. Infants though handle being on a schedule and having boundaries rather well, and setting those from the beginning makes a difference down the road.

As she grew the expectations expanded. For instance, as she learned to talk and to ask for things, such as a cookie, if the word please wasn't used and it wasn't phrased as a request rather then a demand, no cookie. Very simple, I expected to be spoken to politely by my child. Certainly we expect other adults to be polite and in fact we get pretty cheesed off if they aren't, but somehow we often let our children get away with it. I also expected a thank you when the cookie was handed over. To this day my daughter says please and thank you, because it is habit. She's always had to do it so it is natural for her.

As she got

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>