by Jan Castagnaro

Created on: July 31, 2009   Last Updated: August 03, 2009

How to Fight Fairly in a Marriage

In any relationship, especially marriage, there is bound to be moments of disagreement that lead to conflicts. In fact, a bit of disagreement can often be healthy for the relationship, and it is often the married couple's approach to disagreement that can be unhealthy for the relationship. When you think about the word "fight", it brings to mind an explosive battle, and this is pretty much true. However, learning how to fight fairly in a marriage help the couple strive for that healthy and non-toxic relationship, because lets face it, no couple can agree on 100% of every single aspect that crops up in their relationship.

Communication is a key ingredient to add to any marriage that is striving to be healthy and productive. A marriage combines the minds of two individuals, which means there are always going to be two sets of thoughts and ideas brought into the marriage. In other words, there will definitely be some clashing along the way, and that is okay. Since communication is healthy, it is important to keep in mind that communicating our disagreements is also healthy.

All too often, a married couple will keep the uneasy feelings of a disagreement to themselves and not communicate how they are feeling. The longer they bottle up the feelings, the more counterproductive it will be when it does finally unravel. This "bottling up" of thoughts will eventually spill out in an explosive fashion, taking the communication level from what could have been a simple argument of differing opinions, to an all out war. In an effort to fight fairly in a marriage, the couple must keep the communication open and honest, even when the subject matter involves a disagreement.

Sometimes in marriages, the couple gets into the pattern of walking on egg shells in an attempt to not ruffle feathers and avoid conflict. It is better to confront each other with a discussion about the issues the couple may not agree on. For instance, it is better that he tells his wife that he feels her mother is too nosy, or that she express to him that his friends always come over at inconvenient times. This is an opportunity to bring the issues out in the open, and respect each other's feelings with respect to the issues at hand. Learning how to respect each other, even while disagreeing, will go along way toward building a strong marriage, and encourage fair fighting in the marriage.

As with communication, listening to each other is also an important ability to

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