by Zina Leone

Created on: July 31, 2009

If it was a different day and age, I would be saying elderly patients should definitely be cared for by family members. I've always believed this is the way it should be and I still believe that, but unfortunately, "family" is just not family any more.

Years ago, families were close and took care of each other but these days family members hardly even know one another. Each member is busy with their own lives, mom and dad with their jobs, children are being "raised" in a daycare, and teenagers pretty much rule themselves. The "family" as we know it is probably pretty much gone forever. I have three sons who live out of state and I never hear from them unless I call them. They are busy with their jobs and their families (mostly with their jobs, because their children are all being raised in a daycare.) They don't have time for each other, let alone me. When I get to where I can no longer take care of myself, the thought of going to live with one of them horrifies me. They hardly know me any more and I hardly know them, and sadly, that's the way most families are nowadays.

I've been on both sides of the fence, having been a nurse and care provider most of my life. I've seen all the changes occurring before my very eyes. Years ago when I worked in nursing homes I would cry because so many patients either had no family to visit them or no one ever took the time to. It used to make me want to rail at their family members because to me it was so cruel. Just because a person grows old doesn't mean he's no longer human or no longer has feelings, yet so many of them seemed to just get tossed aside. Back then there was just no excuse as far as I was concerned.

But, many years have gone by and now I'm on the other side of the fence. I have since retired from nursing and not too long ago I had to care for my elderly father who was dying. I had moved away and my poor mother and some of my siblings were struggling to care for him by themselves. They called me and begged me to come and help. I'm sure they were thinking with my background, I was the one most capable of handling things and they were right. When I arrived, I was appalled at what I saw. My father had not had a bath in months and his hair was down to his shoulders and he had a full beard. He was incontinent and the couch where he lay was soaked with urine. My poor mother, who is also up in years did her best but she really couldn't handle him. My siblings came by when they could, but really only to clean for

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