by Christopher Kendalls

Created on: July 30, 2009

The expectations that two partners have of each other in a marriage do change over time and they should change. Ideally, a couple will sit down and talk about what they expect to get out of the marriage and what sacrifices they would make before the marriage. Yet due to any number of unforeseen circumstances this does not happen and people either change in the marriage or find a way back into becoming the person that they were before they met the person that they are in a relationship with.

For example let us say that one person really wanted to get married and the other was indifferent or stalling for time. The person that really wanted to get married could soon be over it while the individual who didn't care much one way or another or was truly opposed to the marriage could grow into it. There are also life circumstances which put a toll on the marriage and are a true test of compatibility such as what often happens to couples once children become a part of the relationship. If the couple had children prior to the relationship with someone else the expectations may have changed simply because when one was dating and in courtship the children were not around so much but once you have to see the children day in and day out it can put a toll on the relationship. There is also the issue of whether or not the children from a prior relationship will ever recognize this new person in their life as their mother or father.

However expectations in a marriage can change simply because people themselves change over time. How those expectations change is not necessarily a good thing considering if someone has changed in response to a situation that their partner is going through, like in the case of infidelity. The person who chooses to stay in such a relationship may end up being indifferent about affairs going forward or find that they can never truly trust their mate again. Either circumstance is negative because the individual that is indifferent may find themselves in an extra marital affair of their own or in a situation of neglecting respect for themselves while the latter individual wants to trust their mate but can never find it in themselves to do so. When individuals have two totally and completely different sets of expectations in the marriage they should both go into counseling so that they can either get back on track with a realistic alignment of their expectations or come to closure with the fact that their mate is different in more ways they ever could have realized earlier on in the marriage, or while the two were still dating.

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