by Blue Harrison

Created on: July 30, 2009

Forgiveness, like compromise is essential to any relationship, especially those that have evolved into long-term commitment. These two components of love will often work-off the other, either strengthening or weakening the whole. That being the trust and security which acts as the foundation of a loving relationship.

Forgiveness and compromise have a full range from minor give and take to major alterations of an individual's perspective or behavior patterns. When a relationship is new or a firm commitment has yet to be made, compromise comes easy. Each is directed by their desire for the other to "overlook" or be as flexible as possible during the building process. Same goes for forgiveness. Infractions at this stage are apt to hurt less or be brushed-off as honest mistakes. After all, it is hard to lay blame when both are justified in the defense of "I didn't know" applicable to many areas when lovers are just beginning to discover the person they are involved with.

It is when involvement has turned to commitment that forgiving gains a foothold as an integral part of a marriage's longevity. It is now seen as the support beams that keep everything from crashing down and destroying that foundation of trust and security. It is the crucial crossroads when compromise has been left behind. What we can not condole must be pardoned or the ripples of resentment and guilt will rent bigger wounds. Healing of self and loved ones can only be possible with the compassion to forgive. Through such compassion, previously unexplored channels will open and redemption becomes something real and bonding.

But how does one approach this higher place of sacrifice and faith when they have just been overwhelmed with feelings of betrayal? When the emotions of love and trust have been overpowered by the hurt of deception or an action of blatant disregard? As in any situation where emotion takes over, there is no clear path as chaos claims any logical intent. Contemplating forgiveness can not even begin until the initial, natural reactions run their course. The best thing one can do during this stage is try to call upon the love innate, not specifically the love held for your spouse, but the unrefined compassion that resides in each human soul. Use it to tame reactive words as much as possible. Forgiving is often times thwarted by the hurt spouse's regret and reluctance to "take back" any of the negative re-actives while in the grip of emotional stress. It is too

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