by Sherri Bonis

Created on: July 30, 2009   Last Updated: July 31, 2009

Fairy tales tell us that once you find that perfect match, the next step is happily ever after. In reality, sometimes happiness fades and marriages crumble no matter how hard you try to keep things together. There are no fairy tales that talk about Cinderella's infidelities or Prince Charming's drinking habits. No one prepares you for money stresses after a job loss, and nobody tells you that men and women communicate differently. Facing these obstacles, and your decisions on how to handle them, makes the difference between a lasting or a fleeting marriage.

Chick flicks and romance novels send the message that love and marriage continue indefinitely, without a hitch. That just isn't true. All married couples fight. Stress, frustration and even children can really weigh heavily on each of your shoulders. Keeping that in mind, trying to analyze the issues you might be having can really help you find the answers you are looking for. Are they monetary problems, meaning here today gone tomorrow for the most part? Are they trust issues based on warranted concerns or perhaps an infidelity by either one of you? Are you afraid of the person you married or do you walk on eggshells just to keep them happy? Perhaps somewhere a long the line the love light turned off and you're stuck in a marriage of convenience. By breaking things down to the very root (or stem) of the problem, you'll be able to make the best choice for you. Once you've done that, you'll need to find the strength to make your decision a reality, for better or worse.

Try and take a step back from your marriage and look at it through someone else's eyes. Does it look healthy? Imagine your best friend or perhaps your little sister in your shoes. What advice would you give them? Sometimes looking at our relationships from a different point of view can really open our eyes and give us the strength to make the necessary but tough decisions. Sometimes that decision is to give up the fight and call it quits and sometimes it may fuel the fight to make things work. You have to think of yourself and what is best for you, otherwise no one else will.

If you decide that it's time to call it quits, the realization that your marriage cannot be saved can be devastating. Feeling like a failure or a "quitter" can take a toll on your self-esteem and your general mental health. Don't let it! Surround yourself with friends and family and do things that make you happy. True, you'll need time to mourn over your ending marriage, but try to breathe new life into yourself. Try new things, take a vacation, get a new hairstyle and join a gym to help you burn off your frustrations. Remember that this was just an experience to learn from. Try to apply the lessons you've learned in your new life and avoid repeating the same mistakes as in the past.

The first step to finding happiness again is to change your behavior. Don't go bar-hopping to find "Mr. or Mrs. Right." Don't find someone that is almost perfect for you, and hope to change the things in them that you don't like. Don't look for a "project" relationship and hope to work things out over time. Give yourself time to heal from your past and then move on into the future with a new attitude. Find someone who wants the same things you do instead of trying to like the things that they do. Don't lose yourself next time around, and don't expect them to not be themselves either. Remember, when one door closes, another one opens. Good luck out there.

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