by Maddie MacComb

Created on: July 30, 2009

Blended family happiness is definitely possible, and even rewarding. Often times the displaced spouse or new spouse simply needs to sit down with themselves and evaluate their life, and where the people involved fit in it. Blended families are complicate and a challenge, but they can work peacefully when you decide how you want to approach the unique situation as the parent or the step-parent. Some people thrive and enjoy conflict and drama. I personally like the fact that I can be around my ex-husband, his wife, and their kids, and not feel pointless resentment. I enjoy the peace of our blended family.

Our blended family is really just one big family made up of relatives and extended family that the kids get to experience and be a part of. Because we, the parents (both step and biological) have the needs and well-being of the kids as our first priority, we are able to communicate and negotiate as partners in a very important business together, instead of as Ex-spouses and step-parents at war with each other.

What's the point of harboring negative feelings towards each other in the first place? We made choices that led us down this path, and we should own our choices and accept them for what they are, instead of feel resentment or anger. I realize this is easier said than done in some cases, but the way I see it is that: I did not end up here by accident. I made choices for ill or good, and regardless of the circumstances I should live in the now, not the past.

Our blended family works because of trust. Trust is the key. I trust that my ex-husband also wants to raise healthy, well-balanced kids. I trust that while things do not always go smoothly, we will make the bigger parental decisions for our two kids together, even though we do not live together.

More important than anything, I trust my children's step-mother, the woman who is with them the most when they are living with their dad. I trust her, because I have no reason not to, but also because we have built a solid foundation of communication over the years for the kid's benefit. Besides, she's a good person. Like anyone in any family, blended or not, there is no such thing as the perfect, harmonious relationship free from disagreements or tough times. I have to pick battles wisely though, and in some cases, simply grow up, and put the kids involved before our own past wounds.

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