by Frances Meupe

Created on: July 30, 2009

Engaging in an extramarital affair betrays the loyalty and trust between two people. Infidelity within the marriage has different repercussions for different couples. Sometimes affairs manage to stay within the constraints of the two parties involved. This depends entirely on luck and the ability to master being indiscreet. If the two people involved in the affair have a mutual physical attraction and emotions are not involved, they can walk away unscathed...so to speak. No outsiders need to know. However if hearts are involved, compications arise.

Reasons vary as to why a person chooses to violate the sanctity of their marriage. To tell or not to tell....that is the question. A person might be consummed with guilt, put everyting on the line, and tell. Being consummed with guilt means the person is probably remorseful. Now the secret has been revealed and others are pulled in to the dynamics of the affair. Not only is the significant other hurt, if children are involved , the revelation can have a domino effect. Most likely, in-laws, other family members, and friends find out about the infidelity. And now they are talking about the liar and cheater, and broken promises.

One common reason given for having an affair is that a person "stumbled upon" or found by happenstance a person who provided some need not fulfilled by their significant other. At some point in the marriage, a person might feel ignored and undesirable. They need attention and quality time; someone to talk to, someone to listen. Once met, these needs often progress from the intangible to the physical. The spouse may or may not be unsuspecting. If you find yourself in this situation, would you confess? A person who confesses might be feeling a degree of guilt or shame. However there are some, who may never admit it, that experience guilty pleasure in confessing. They want the spouse to know that someone else still found them desirable.

Some marriages are actually strengthened after an affair. The affair becomes a rude awakening for someone who is still in love, but has taken the marriage for granted. A husband or wife in this situation should consider themselves fortunate if their spouse is forgiving and wants to stay in the marriage. Hopefully it turns out to be a "happily ever after" marriage.

There's another aspect of infidelity that is bitter-sweet. Children are often born from affairs. Some spouses never tell. A husband can usually get away with fathering a child outside of marriage. A wife may never know unless told by someone. Or, she might question the bank account which could possibly indicate child support payments. A husband may never know unless he becomes suspicious of the child's physical features. He might not recognize any family resemblance and question the paternity of the child.

The decision to admit to an affair or not depends on the circumstances and how you think the spouse will react when told. Some people believe that what you don't know can't hurt you. Whether this is true or not, finding out from means other than a confession, may have worse consequences. No one knows better than the person committing the act, whether it's better to let sleeping dogs lie. But once an affair is out in the open, take responsibility for your actions.

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