by S.S. McDaniel

Created on: July 29, 2009

A wedding is the most important day of many people's lives. Even the simplest one will take the help of many people to make it the best it can be. Bridesmaids and groomsmen organize and help out where possible. Mothers and fathers (and step parents, in some cases) pitch in their money, time, and expertise wherever they can. Of course the bride and groom make the majority of plans and are responsible for making sure everything is happening as it should.

What many brides and grooms fail to realize is that, throughout the course of their wedding and reception, many small disasters are often averted by "The Staff." They may not take a dramatic dive for the cake or wrestle a stalking ex-boyfriend to the ground, but they are running behind the scenes making sure everything moves smoothly.

For example, whether hired to do so or not, vendors often keep an eye on the younger members of the wedding. They do this both for the bride's sake and their own: a lost or hurt child can ruin a wedding, and a child underfoot can injure other vendors (a fact that many parents fail to take into account as they let their smallest run loose) A skilled vendor will try to do this without directly speaking to the child or parents or having to physically move the child, leaving the impression that they have done nothing at all, even though they are exhausted from the effort.

Another example is the diffusive efforts of wedding staff. They know emotions run high and alcohol can often come into the mix, so they often attempt to remove disruptive guests in the most polite possible way before they cause a problem. They also stand as a sympathetic ear to a variety of (heard many times over) complaints and wishes. Again, when the vendor is skilled, the bride and groom will never even be aware that there was a problem.

Finally: does the bride or groom remember all the interfering but well meaning relatives who constantly barraged them with suggestions that were just short of demands? For the day of their wedding, they are spared the majority of these verbal assaults by the courtesy of the staff, who are hearing all of it and more. The courtesy that relatives would extend to the bride and groom is often conspicuously absent as the waiters, bartenders, DJs, and photographers are all told how to do things they were hired to do, ordered to do things they were specifically told NOT to do (which they must find a polite way not to do), and generally nagged around their job.

So should you tip your vendors? Yes. If everything goes smoothly (or at least without any major glitches), the least you can do is drop a small amount of money their way. It doesn't have to be anything spectacular. And, if things went particularly well, send a letter to the corporate office mentioning how much you enjoyed your wedding and reception.

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