by Bobbie Miller

Created on: July 29, 2009   Last Updated: July 30, 2009

My husband and I have discussed this topic many times. We joke about it sometimes, like who is going to die first and the other will do what they want as far as these final decisions go. But that same joke is why I feel it is important to know what your loved one wants and to carry out their wishes.

I personally wish to be cremated with no services. I made this decision after losing my grandparents. I never knew until they died what their wishes were and at the time, I didn't agree with the decisions they made. They wanted cremated with a small, informal gathering of family at their home for services. My thoughts were, "So many people knew them,those whom would want to pay their last respects." or "What an honor it would be to celebrate their lives with a large memorial service, I want to do something big for them", I didn't have a say in the matter and for that I'm thankful. Their services were more meaningful than any large or public memorial would've been. It also reflected the simple lives they lived. It was truly a perfect ending for the type of people they were. Their funeral plans made it easier on the family. Their children didn't have to worry about making any preparations immediately following their deaths. Their five children could just be together to mourn and reminisce.

There are many things that need done when a loved one dies. When people make their final requests known, they have taken a little of the burden off of the survivors. They can focus on financial and estate matters, calling distant family and friends, not too mention little things like canceling any subscriptions their loved one may have had, health and life insurance details, and medical bills. There are many lose ends to tie up. This can give survivors an opportunity to do something for the one they have lost.

When people make their own funeral plans, they are doing one last thing for the family and friends they are leaving behind. More often than not, these plans are fitting for who that person was and the life they led, not the desires of any other person. I don't know too many people that would want that in life, why should they have it in death?

Some have issues with the choices a person makes regarding burial or cremation. While there are few choices in this area, the desires of every individual should be carried out. My husband wants buried in a casket. I want cremated then buried. If I pass first, I want to be cremated then have my urn placed in my husband's casket when he shall pass. My father wants cremated and his ashes scattered across a mountain, where he spends a lot of his time. My mother, on the other hand, is unsure. She doesn't want buried because she's claustrophobic and doesn't want cremated because she can't stand the heat. What we will do with her is unknown. She may be the one person that our family will have to decide for when that time comes.

Yes, I believe every person should be able to choose their own funeral ritual. It's their final good-bye, not persons left behind. For those wanting to change the wishes of a loved one in death just to help heal their hurt, I recommend doing something else in the deceased name. A beautiful memorial can speak volumes on the love you shared.

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