by Valerie Savran

Created on: July 29, 2009   Last Updated: July 31, 2009

As I gaze hopefully into the sunset , I allow myself to ponder the many nuances of love, as brilliant as the various shades of gold, pink, purple, and yellow coloring the evening sky. My heart, once content and full of the most passionate kind of love, the one that hinders logic and throws me blindly into an emotional tempest, is now gone. But even though fiery red love is fleeting, there are the softer hues of love, the mellow blues and deep browns that suggest an autumn evening walk or cuddling under a strong and hearty oak on a worn rural path.

True love is the love that never sleeps. It is the love that creeps up on you as you soak, all alone, in your gray bathtub, wondering when will be the next time you feel honeyed lips against your own. I have, at least for some transitory period, experienced this love.

It would be easy to admit defeat and claim that true love cannot be achieved. The hard part is continuing to believe in this elusive love, even when all you see is the shadow of your lone figure as you meander towards the open field. The gentle brush of flowers against my bare legs and the warmth of the sun on my bare shoulders reminds me of the sensuous love that marks true contentment. We, as human beings, developed emotion even before intellect, suggesting that we instinctually need to feel an uninhibited connection with another even before we need to process the intelligence of our actions.

That is the basis of true love: being able to follow gut instincts in a way that sheds all doubts or cogitative reasoning to unearth our vulnerablity. I must stand at the edge of the bluff, ocean crashing upon the shore, and embrace my lover with open arms. Only once I abandon my thoughts and reveal my most exposed self will the simplicity of true love return into my life. I yearn for those days of breathing in sync while lying in a bed of roses, him sweeping the soft brown hair out of my eyes, being held tightly as I cry at life's injustice, and then being reminded of life's beauty by his tender touch. The sun has finally set, and a cascading darkness has overcome the terrain.

True love, in my heart, is that one simple light, that touching and vital illumination, that shines when nothing else seems reachable or worthwhile. Love can leave you dead on the floor in agony, but at the same time, it can be the only force to lift you up.

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