by S.S. McDaniel

Created on: July 29, 2009

Reasons for guests to hate weddings:

1. You will probably have to dress up nicely (read: uncomfortably), most likely in weather too warm for any outfit you own.

2. You will have to sit through some type of ceremony, which is many cases can be very long and boring. Hopefully, you don't fall asleep or otherwise express your boredom lest the elderly ladies jab you in the ribs or nag you through the reception.

3. If you are single, people will ask when you are getting married or if you've met someone. If you are married and young, chances are good that you will be asked when you are going to have children. If you are married and older, you will be asked when your children are getting married, or, failing that, why you never had any children.

4. You have the dubious privilege of listening to toasts ("Janey is the best woman you'll ever know, and he'd better take care of her! Or else! Just kidding. Not."), watching dances(Broken Road, Butterfly Kisses), and observing the cutting of the cake (white with fondant icing).

5. Someone at nearly every wedding will request the Electric Slide. If you are lucky, there will be a place to hide and wait out the horror. If not, be prepared to stumble through it as drunk or uncoordinated guests take the wrong steps and attempt to wipe out the rest of the dancers.

6. The food is never as good as you hope it will be. Period. And if you're being honest with yourself, it's probably why you came to the wedding and sat through everything else in the first place.

7. The single male to single female ratio is rarely even, and even more rarely will the personalities be compatible. If you are going to a wedding to find a man/woman to take home (for fun or dating), don't count on it.

8. You will probably go home at the end of the evening sore, sweaty, and reeking of the cologne and perfume of elderly relatives.

Reasons for the Groom to hate the wedding

1. Your friends will repeatedly tell you how much "it's going to suck"

2. Her dad will keep giving you looks.

3. Her mom will keep giving you looks.

4. Her friends will keep giving you looks.

5. You must respond appropriately and within a very specified (but undisclosed) space of time, or suffer the wrath of your new wife.

6. You will probably not have a chance to drink very much at your own reception.

7. You will not have a chance to eat very much at your own reception.

8. The bride will expect you to dance at least once.

9. She will probably be too

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