by Teia Rogers

Created on: July 28, 2009   Last Updated: July 30, 2009

Most couples get into marriage counseling too late. When the fighting has gotten worse and the silences have become overwhelmingly awkward. There in inherent value in entering counseling before it's too late. Preemptive counseling can give each person the tools they need to effectively communicate with their partner and see the pitfalls before they fall into them.

First you and your partner must come to the agreement that counseling would be beneficial. There isn't much value if you both aren't committed to this decision. Once you both have decided to seek counseling it is important to decide what who you want that counselor to be. There are many different types of counselors who focus on various things, so you'll have to decide what factors are important to you.

When you find a counselor who seem right for both of you, a consultation will be set up. This will be a time for all three of you to feel out the relationship. It is recommended that you work with a counselor for at least three sessions before you call it quits. Some couples find the intimacy of the sessions to be uncomfortable. It's best to hang in for three sessions before you try to get out of it. If you find that your counselor isn't right for you, this is the time to address those feelings and seek other counselors if need be.

It is important to remember that the counselor is there for your relationship. You marriage counselor is there to support the relationship, not the individuals. With this in mind you will not be meeting with your counselor without your partner. It is best to find a separate counselor if you need additional, individual support.

Once you've committed to your counselor and committed to continue on with your partner, it is vital that you make time to thoughtfully access the things that come up in the issues that come up in your sessions. The time spent means nothing if you don't put anything into action. The sessions are for you as a couple to work on communication and skills building. In order to ensure that you've made use of that time, it is vital that you work on developing those skills. Your counselor is specifically trained to work with couples on the challenges they face, the most important parts of marriage counseling are to trust your counselor and to be honest. Your sessions are a safe place for you to voice your feelings, it only serves you and your relationship to do so.

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