by Blue Harrison

Created on: July 28, 2009   Last Updated: July 30, 2009

Whether the marriage is honeymoon-fresh or has celebrated several anniversaries, the issue of household duties will always be in play. Commonly, new marriages find the wife eager to demonstrate her domestic skills and the husband just as happy to pass the responsibilities her way even if he has been "doing for himself" for years. These attitudes haven't changed much in spite of the dramatic shift that has taken women out of the home and into full-time careers. Ingrained are the old standards and roles of husband and wife set in other, more defined times. Men as the breadwinners and women as the caregivers are images passed-down through generations that still manage to be reflected in the marriages of modern day.

To tackle this issue and have hope of keeping it resolved, there's some factors that need to be considered and discussed before assigning long-term responsibility for the everyday chores. Foremost among these are: children, job constraints and the family's average daily schedule. Of course, if children are involved, the demands of home are greatly multiplied and require flexibility from both sides. Parenting in itself is a full-time job and the related chores can at times overwhelm. The same can be said when both husband and wife hold full-time positions out of the home. Neither one will be eager to add more to their plate if there's anyway of doling the duty out to the other.

Scheduling becomes key along with communications and assigning value to the manpower used for household chores. Without children, a couple will probably have a firm schedule to work with that allows for a clear view of each individual's time during an average week. Consideration must be utilized when dictating what each will give to the domestic cause.

Along with consideration, each must recognize strengths and weaknesses. Also, what priorities exist in the current household?

For instance, it may be perfectly acceptable for both to dig clothes out from the clean laundry basket. It may be that he is a self-professed "amateur chef" who is most happy when creating while she might not be able to boil water. This is where communication and care produce the best outcome. No one should be forced to perform for two what they hardly could do well for one. These strengths and weaknesses should also include ability to produce income. If she is able to earn the higher pay, then logically the domestic chores should for the most part, fall to him. If he is on the road constantly while earning enough to pay the bills, then the wife should respect his need for a base sanctuary and make every effort to provide one.

Regardless of the roles and standards that have carried down through the generations, each marriage must be seen as special, unprecedented. There is never an easy road when two seek to combine as one, but vows and love say it is worth the difficulties to try. Listen to each other. Know what can be compromised and what will not be tolerated. See your spouse as an extension of yourself with talents and downfalls, with habits and sensitivities. Be willing to believe that each effort given will be rewarded in those quiet moments when the chores are accomplished for one more day.

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