by Bradley Charles

Created on: July 28, 2009   Last Updated: August 01, 2009

I know we all hear the same jazz on the radio and television and internet and from everyone in the world all the time about the economy and how bad times are, but I get so lost when I start thinking about "inflation" and the "economy". First off, an economy is an idea that can fall apart at any time, and money is only worth what we deem it worth. I therefore propose a few ultimate solutions to our flawed monetary system.

1. The good ol' barter system - I used to trade my lunches in school all the time, I'm sure the world could figure out a conversion table for themselves. I mean, hey, if we want some of China's sweet lunch and we have a lunch that China loves and that China's mom won't ever make because it's too high in saturated fat and really has no nutritional value at all, then we should be able to trade our metaphorical leftover pizza from the night before for China's metaphorical ham salad sandwich. I also think that it would be a lot easier for broke guys like me to get a Corvette if I could trade in the loyal family cow for it. Of course, you can't milk a Corvette right now but technology is rapidly changing, am I right?

2. Convert all countries to wampum - All of the shells and rocks and feathers you happen to have in your pockets will serve as your cash with no system to back up the currency? That's so nonsensical...and exactly what we have today anyway, except money looks stupid. We should all start converting now before gas gets up to three feathers a gallon and we're all left behind.

3. Everything is free - Command and conquer! Take what you want and want what you take! Personally I would just conquer Burger King at the moment because I'm starving and I didn't get to eat breakfast before I came to work and it's probably good that my boss is out of town and doesn't know I'm doing this on company time because then I'd probably get canned and have to find a new source of income, which would make it good if everything was in fact free.

I'm telling you, I've got the solutions if everyone would just listen. And note to the people in charge of changing the world's currencies, I am available Thursdays and Sundays for press conferences but I will need to know in plenty of time to rent a nice suit. Thank you, and that's all.

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