by S.S. McDaniel

Created on: July 28, 2009

It is wonderful when an adult child (or children) help out an elderly parent, caring for them in their old age. It can be rewarding for both the parents and the child(ren), strengthening their bonds and bringing them closer together.

On the other hand, caring for elderly parents can put a large strain, especially financially, on adult children. In the current economic climate, few households can boast a "homemaker" that would be more capable of caring for elderly parents, at least in theory. With both the child and their spouse working, taking care of their home, and possibly raising children, the added stress of caring for elderly parents can be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

Grown children have every reason to think that their parents are saving up for the eventuality of old age and retirement. Parents should be saving up for both of these events not only for the sake of their children, but for their own sake. Whether the children want to help or not, there may come a time when the child has to make the decision: my children or my parents. It can be very difficult and painful to make this decision, having to choose whether to withhold necessary time or money from the parent or the child. Does the grown child support the next generation or the previous? The ones who raised them or the ones they are raising?

Furthermore, the burden of caring for elderly parents can often engender hostility. No child enjoys seeing their parent as less than they were, and to be under the social obligation to care for that parent either financially or physically forces the child to deal with the parent as almost a child-like being. The drain on time and money, leaving children less time and money for themselves, becomes a growing irritation for many which is often directed at the parent.

It is not to say that grown children should entirely abandon their parents, it should be said they should put themselves and their immediate family first. A child finding themselves caring for elderly parents should ask themselves whether they are caring for the parent out of love, patience, and the desire to care or out of an imposed sense of guilt imparted by society. As these children often heard from their parents and other adults "They're adults." They have gotten old, as they knew they would. They have gotten frail, as they knew they might. They have or have not saved, according to their own abilities and preferences. Now it is up to the children to choose whether they will or will not care for their parents.

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