by Linda Haver

Created on: July 28, 2009

Fostering independence in a child is a process that starts at a young age. The disposition and personality of the child plays a part in determining the ease of achieving this goal. The amount of independence a child can handle varies at different stages of development. Raising a child is not an easy job. Parents have the difficult task of guiding their children toward an independent life while giving them appropriate boundaries and keeping them safe.

A baby learns very early to use crying to manipulate their parents. A child that is always picked up the second they cry is already developing power over the adults in their life. When there is no reason for the crying it doesn't hurt to let them carry on for a bit. Allow babies time to play by themselves instead of entertaining them every minute.

Toddlers are self-centered and expect to always get their way. Parents can promote independence at this difficult stage by setting clear boundaries and sticking to them. Hovering over your child every minute will inhibit their independence. Establish bedtime routines which include the child falling asleep by themselves, in their own bed. Have the child clean up their own toys and dress themselves as soon as they are physically able. These chores will take longer when the child does them independently but the extra time required will help the child learn important skills. Allow them to make some choices from limited options. Don't ask what they want for lunch but give them two options and let them make a decision. Developing decision making skills are an important part of teaching your child to be independent.

Once a child is in elementary school they are ready for more independence and responsibility. It should be their job to keep track of their backpack and its contents. Teach them to get everything they need for school ready the night before. This should make the morning less hectic. Fostering organizational skills at this age is a very important step toward independence. Assist with homework when help is needed but never do the work for them. Teach them to budget their time and use it wisely. Assign age appropriate chores and require them to be done before the child can play or watch television. Allow them to make age appropriate decisions within the family structure.

At every stage of development communication between the child and parents should be stressed. While this may be especially difficult in the pre-teen and teen years, it is very important. Adolescent children should be given more independence in small doses as they find their way in the world. The amount of independence allowed should grow with the child's maturity. It is essential that this new freedom is based on a network of rules and consequences.

Every parent wants their child to be a happy, productive, and independent adult. This can be accomplished by providing the groundwork and structure a child needs to grow to maturity.

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