by Ferg Fontaine

Created on: July 28, 2009   Last Updated: August 21, 2009

One of the greatest threats to the marriage union is when unreal expectations are ushered right into a couples newfound wedded bliss. Having said that, I believe there are some expectations that are perfectly healthy and reasonable for consideration. One should be able to expect their mate to commit to fidelity in their marriage, one should also be able to expect their mate to be on their team; at least they should have that expectation. As a couple grows and experiences life's trials, the most necessary equation is that a couple cleave to one another as one. Life will inevitably bring great trials and tribulations; loved ones will die, sickness will occur,mishaps are inevitable. As life happens, hopefully the marriage will become stronger if the couple is willing to release unreasonable expectations and work through real life together.

There are expectations that are brought into marriage because of what each individual has experienced growing up. Some learn very healthy marital responses and others learn the opposite. If someone learns that when they fall short or make a mistake that their mate will love them just the same, they will expect this from their husband or wife. In fact I believe that is what they will look for in a mate. In the same vain, when someone learns to expect abuse for their mistakes or short-comings, this expectation will inevitably become a challenge for them to overcome. Often it seems that those who have had a healthy example growing up will not settle for anything less; a like-minded partner that will generally come with the same view towards marriage. People, generally women but not exclusively, who have grown up seeing abusive parents or have been abused themselves, never feel worthy of anything better. Nor do they seek a partner beyond that magnitude, feeling unworthy of such a life.

When marriage is considered a lifelong commitment by both partners, there are always going to be expectations that need re-assessed; but letting go of expectations that were wrong in the first place is very much worth the sacrifice it requires along the way. Very early on in my marriage I had a meltdown of sorts regarding my expectations or needs and what I thought my husband should be doing. My husband was working two jobs and I was home with three little boys; the oldest was 4 years old. I needed a break, but so did my husband. I learned that my expectations never considered him; I expected him to come home and take over with the boys, in essence

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